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Question
Posted by: Elle | 2009-07-23

Ex my flatmate and a new relationship

Dear CYBS

My boyfriend and I (I' m 43 he' s 46) broke up after 10 years. When we first met we moved in together almost immediately and were very happy. We broke up as the relationship had run its romantic course and because his biz collapsed and my family drained my finances. My mom said that when poverty flies in the front door love usually flies out the back door. He expected to move out. I knew that he couldn' t. He is self-employed and had no income. I said well move into the spare room and we take it from there. It was not easy (6 months have past) and my mother lives with us. We have now settled into a comfortable friendship, chat easily, live together and we keep the household going. His work is picking up again. We both wish we could work things out, but logically we just know it can' t work out. He says no new man in my life is going to stand for this. I say if a new man dictates to me about that I won' t accept it. To me it is controlling and he has nothing to fear as we really are just friends. But we agreed no new boyfriends or girlfriends in the house at least not for a very long time. Neither of us is seeing anyone. I am sad (so is he) but he is like the brother I never had. Is this completely abnormal and would it be completely unacceptable to expect a new man to accept this? I never was keen on marriage but now I would want that in a new relationship also after a time with the right person so I do not see us all co-habitating if you get my meaning. I am not sure how a new woman in his life would feel. We do care about each other, we love each other but the passion died about 2 years ago already. It was platonic then. The situation works out very well as it is. This home is rented in my name as we did not buy together. He is foreign and could also go back to his country any time as he says. I will survive without his financial input. It was just less hurtful to break up like this (we almost healed each other). I just wonder if one of us does meet someone else or one moves out if there is going to be a backlash of emotions? He is planning to move out when he can. We meet for coffee, go to a movie but for the most part we do our own thing. What do you think Cybershrink?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Nowadays, relationships are often complex and far from the old traditional models, bu if they work for those involved, there's no point in complaining that they don't fit the knitting patterns of your mother's generation. It's hard to predict how any of you might react if someone else became involved in the scene --- if this situation meets your needs for now, fine. If the circumstances change in a major way, you;ll have to work it out then, just as you did this time round

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lin | 2009-07-23

our parents were right. don' t live in sin, if a man trully loves you he' ll marry uou first. not trying to b mean, but i' m from the same stuation myself. 5 years living with BF and nothing to show for it except for a 4yr old daugther

Reply to Lin

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