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Question
Posted by: Jenna | 2010/06/22

Ex moving out

Hi Cybershrink

It''s me (how could you forget)!
My ex says he is moving out at the end of August as I asked him to. He says it is long overdue and hates staying with me. I said sure after I supported you for this long time during our relationship and after the break-up a year ago. I am " coo-coo" , I said Yep like all your other exe''s. His family E-mailed me from overseas to say that in reply to my " desperate"  E-mails they are informing me that he is a grown man of 47 etc and they are not worried but he can come home anytime. I said sure no need for worry with no job, no money, no accommodation, no assets, no car just that he is going to " make a plan" . I said very firmly that I am not picking up the pieces and that he is not my responsibility to him and them. I feel so bad though because he is in dire straits. He says the best family is the one that is 10 000km away. Even my sister said she hopes to not have his death or further decline on her conscience. Why do I feel so guilty hey Doc? I know I deserve and will get better but it honestly feels like throwing out a child knowing it can''t fend for itself (on this note his best friend picked him up after his divorce and told me he will never do it again). Maybe I have no faith in him but knowing him as I do...

Regards
Jenna for lack of my real name

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How could I forget me ? OK, so he is in dire straights, but they are straights he seems to have dired, all on his own. You feel guilty because that is your nature, not because you ought to feel guilty. If he does more to harm himself than he already has, that also will be his responsibility and his decision.
Maybe he'll surprise you by doing better than expected, but he really can't go through life expecting other people to do everything for him, while he does, apparently, nothing for himself.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/22

How could I forget me ? OK, so he is in dire straights, but they are straights he seems to have dired, all on his own. You feel guilty because that is your nature, not because you ought to feel guilty. If he does more to harm himself than he already has, that also will be his responsibility and his decision.
Maybe he'll surprise you by doing better than expected, but he really can't go through life expecting other people to do everything for him, while he does, apparently, nothing for himself.

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