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Question
Posted by: GQ | 2011/11/02

Ex manipulating me

Hi all,

Please share with me your honest insights.

We broke up 2yrs ago. I''m 29 and she,27. We have a 7yr old daughter who form birth was staying with my mother until 2yrs ago when the mother took her to start school in Joburg. She has just sent me an SMS saying that she has approached the court to " compel me to pay maintenance" . Here is the background: We earn more less the same amount R40k/m. I have been paying for the ffg:
School fees
Aftercare
Extramural activities (Balet classes)

There is no child minder, hence the aftercare. The mother has been demanding that I also send money for food and clothing. My argument is that why must I pay for everything when she is also employed. Frmo what I know, the child is not the responsibilty of the father only especially is the mother is also working. She doesn''t see it this way. My question to yopu CS and friends, Am I not payning my share?

I also do spend time with my daugter on some weekends

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Lets see what other readers have to say. As I understand it, if you are the biological father, you are probably due to pay maintenance for the child ; a court ought to take into account the expenses, your earnings and hers, and to look at what you are alrady paying. As she is also employed, she must also be expected to contribute to the costs of the child's needs. You may benefit from having a fair amount decided by the court, to make it more difficult for her and her mother to keep making additional demands.
Similarly, ask the court to grant you a specific amount of contact with the child, so they can't withhold this from you

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2011/11/03

School fees and associated costs are probably less than 50% of your daughters'' expenses. You don''t say how much you''re paying towards these costs each month, so it''s a little difficult to answer your question. If you''re paying for a private school, then you might be paying your share. If you''re paying for a public school I can almost guarantee that you''re paying far less than 50% of you daughters'' expenses - in which case the mother is probably right that you''re not paying a fair share.

As an example - my sons live with their father. My ex and I earn about the same each month. I pay the full medical aid premium, half the school expenses(including books, uniforms,extra murals etc) as well as an extra R1000 per month. In total, I pay about R3500 per month plus a little extra at the start of each school year. And I earn less than half of what you do.

Having the court specify how much you need to pay can actually work to your benefit if you''re currently paying more than your fair share. The mother can''t willy nilly complain and give you grief if a court order was granted either.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/02

Lets see what other readers have to say. As I understand it, if you are the biological father, you are probably due to pay maintenance for the child ; a court ought to take into account the expenses, your earnings and hers, and to look at what you are alrady paying. As she is also employed, she must also be expected to contribute to the costs of the child's needs. You may benefit from having a fair amount decided by the court, to make it more difficult for her and her mother to keep making additional demands.
Similarly, ask the court to grant you a specific amount of contact with the child, so they can't withhold this from you

Reply to cybershrink

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