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Question
Posted by: Cindy | 2010/02/22

Ex is my lazy??? housemate

My mom, ex of 11 yrs and I live together in a house I rent. I feel sorry for him as he does not have stable employment, nowhere to go and sometimes no food - complains when we share ours it tastes sh*t. His car was re-possessed last month. He stays in his room, eats in there, washes only his plate he used, uses the toilet &  shower. Pays me rent when he can. Owes me years of rent during his unemployment. We row as I say if you live in the house you help. I told him to help or move into the garage. He wants to leave bt does not earn well to pay me rent, save for a deposit. I said you would not do this in any other friend''s house. Where does one draw the line for taking of him? He''s 45. No family here. No friends throwing open the door for him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its his issue that he hasn't found and kept stable employment ; you're not expected to keep him forever. If he doesn't like the food you prepare - tough ! He doesn't need to eat it !
Never mind moving into the garage - either toss him out altogether ( with maybe a coup[le of week's notice ) or at leastinsist that he pays rent, plans to repay the back rent owed, and that his rent includes working round the house and daoing a good share of the chores. The line needs to be drawn now - he is using you, and as you say, no other friend would do for him what you have done. You have managed to arange to have every possible disadvantage of marriage, without any of the potential advantages

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2010/02/22

Why should he move when he has it so cushy at your place? Throw the bum out onto the street! If he cannot afford to pay rent, he should find a cheaper place to stay. Stop feeling sorry for this abuser of other people. You''re the only one who can stop his abusing of you. Do it now! You''ll see how quickly he pulls up his socks when he cannot lean on you anymore and gets a better paying job to keep himself in the style he''s accustomed to.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/22

Its his issue that he hasn't found and kept stable employment ; you're not expected to keep him forever. If he doesn't like the food you prepare - tough ! He doesn't need to eat it !
Never mind moving into the garage - either toss him out altogether ( with maybe a coup[le of week's notice ) or at leastinsist that he pays rent, plans to repay the back rent owed, and that his rent includes working round the house and daoing a good share of the chores. The line needs to be drawn now - he is using you, and as you say, no other friend would do for him what you have done. You have managed to arange to have every possible disadvantage of marriage, without any of the potential advantages

Reply to cybershrink

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