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Question
Posted by: Rose | 2011/08/10

Ex husband''s depression

I left my ex husband a year ago due to infidelity issues. He has major problems getting his life back on track and I feel guilty for having caused this. He has threatened suicide, has been for therapy, was hospitalised, but nothing seems to help. He calls me as he says that it helps him to hear my voice. I have no inclination of ever going back to him. How can I help him to move on? I have also been for therapy and made a decision to help myself get through all of the pain, memories and regrets. I feel that I have succeeded partially, but hearing him so heartbroken on the phone puts me back into a negative space.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he was unfaithful, didn't he cause his problems and the separation ? Why should you choose to take responsibility for his choices ? Sounds like he may be using his depression ( ir is it sadness, or self-pity ) as a tactic to try to drag you back. Moving on is his duty, and something he needs to work on with his therapist / shrink, and not your responsibility. You can't do it for him. His hope that he can lure you back may be a key factor in stopping him from doing what he needs to do, and work properly with his therapist.
yes, it's sad that he's sad - but he needs to take responsibility both for what he chose to do, and its results, and for getting himself right, rather than burdening someone else with his self-created burdens

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Bhova | 2011/08/14

Hi Rose,

I feel for you, damn it, you are in a bind?! Damned if you do damned if you don''t.
What will happen when you get the news that your ex has successfully ended his life leaving a note saying he couldn''t live without you??????
Ultimately are you responsible for anyone elses life either than your own?
I don''t really have anything in common with you but I think I have a whole lot in common with your ex.
Some folks think its an easy selfish decision to cheat on your marriage but its not that black and white as a signature on the divorce papers.
I can tell you though that if you were my ex and you entertained my midnight sob calls they would only serve one purpose....to give me hope that you still want me back!
How about offering to accompany him to 3 of his shrink sessions.........

Reply to Bhova
Posted by: Jenni | 2011/08/11

In all honesty, cheating partners should think about their actions and the consequences PROPERLY before cheating. You feeling sorry because he is heartbroken now- did he think about how he was breaking your heart when he was cheating? Probably not. Your husband is an adult, and you leaving him would not have caused his whole worl to crumble. People divorce all the time and they still cope. Threatening suicide is a cheap trick and why should you act like his mother and baby him? If it helps him to talk to you, then let him but keep it neuteral- stay FRIENDLY. Ask him how he is, give him advice about moving on, but don''t give him ANY idea that you may go back to him. He will move on eventually.

Reply to Jenni
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/11

If he was unfaithful, didn't he cause his problems and the separation ? Why should you choose to take responsibility for his choices ? Sounds like he may be using his depression ( ir is it sadness, or self-pity ) as a tactic to try to drag you back. Moving on is his duty, and something he needs to work on with his therapist / shrink, and not your responsibility. You can't do it for him. His hope that he can lure you back may be a key factor in stopping him from doing what he needs to do, and work properly with his therapist.
yes, it's sad that he's sad - but he needs to take responsibility both for what he chose to do, and its results, and for getting himself right, rather than burdening someone else with his self-created burdens

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: OBVIOUS | 2011/08/10

IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO HELP HIM MOVE ON - YOU R DIVORCED.
CHANGE YOUR TEL NUMBER AND MOVE ON YOURSELF

Reply to OBVIOUS
Posted by: Iknow | 2011/08/10

pathetic.

Reply to Iknow

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