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Question
Posted by: QueenSy | 2011-07-18

Ex husband won''t leave me alone

I left almost a year ago and obtained a restraining order. He was hospitalised two weeks ago and the kids went to stay with him. Last week Monday, I fetched them and told him that I wanted to discuss a matter with him. We had coffee in a public place and I informed him that I feel he should contribute towards our daughter''s study fees. He said he would decide on it.

On Wednesday he called me and said that he felt I could have discussed it with him over the phone. He misread the situation and started becoming hopeful again. I told him that nothing has changed and that I just felt it would be decent to discuss it in person.

On Friday, he decided that the kids should not visit as he was not in the right emotional state of mind. By Sunday, he sms'ed and called me several times. He asked for my help in overcoming his sense of loss and said that he did not find closure although he understands why I left and that he still loves me. I told him to continue seeing the psychologist, but he says nobody can help him.

Yesterday, I learnt that one of his girlfriends will be giving birth in September. I also learnt that he has two unlicenced firearms. Today he sms''ed me again and states that he asked for my help, but I swatted him away like a fly! I am fearful as he still believes that I left him for another man. Should I notify the police or contact his psychologist? I just want him to leave me alone and move on with his life.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think it's generally best for matters like maintenance and any changes in it, as well as access to the kids, to be decided by the Maintenance or similar court, so everyone is heard and a fair decision is made and kept to.
Its dificult to meet with a guy against whom you have a restraining order, even if for innocent reasons connected with the kids.
Maybe he is indeed having difficulties coping with his sense of loss and resentment about the separation / divorce, etc.But he needs then to see a counsellor and work through all these issues. Nobody can help him if he decides that they can't and refuses to work sincerely with them. In the situation you describe, it would make sense to call his psychologist and inform him/her of your concerns and the reasons for feeling concerned - that is the person who ought to deal with this.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Truth | 2011-07-18

Meeting with an ex husband u have a restraining order on to discuss something that can be sorted out on the telephone and with the courts is suspect. It is hardly surprising he is misreading your intentions.
Also talking to his girlfriend is suspicious.
You are divorced and need to disengage ASAP.
If you want him 2 leave u alone you will have 2 learn 2 leave him alone!

Reply to Truth
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-07-18

I think it's generally best for matters like maintenance and any changes in it, as well as access to the kids, to be decided by the Maintenance or similar court, so everyone is heard and a fair decision is made and kept to.
Its dificult to meet with a guy against whom you have a restraining order, even if for innocent reasons connected with the kids.
Maybe he is indeed having difficulties coping with his sense of loss and resentment about the separation / divorce, etc.But he needs then to see a counsellor and work through all these issues. Nobody can help him if he decides that they can't and refuses to work sincerely with them. In the situation you describe, it would make sense to call his psychologist and inform him/her of your concerns and the reasons for feeling concerned - that is the person who ought to deal with this.

Reply to cybershrink

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