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Question
Posted by: Noni | 2011/01/20

EX girlfriend Pregnant

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years now but in between the years we broke up for 4 - 5 months in 2009 and 2010.
After being with him for 1 1/2 years I discovered that he had 4 kids/4 baby mamas from previous relationships but he promised that he is changed.
In 2009, our first break, I left him as he was cheating me another gal then later I heard that gal fall pregnant with his baby, once again we made up and decided to put everything behind us.

In 2010 he again cheated me and I decided to end the relationship, he begged me to forgive him and I did,
December last year I saw the gal he was cheating with pregnant too and when I asked him he says he doesn''t know because when he asks the gal about pregnancy, she denied being pregnant.

I love him so much but the problem is I''m not sure if he is still dating the pregnant ex or if she is pregnant with his baby. He will now be the father of 6 kids....confused.

Please help?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm sorry, but I really can't undertand how anyone can een imagine that they have any chance of a stable, happy and lasting relationship with someone such as you describe who has 4 children by 4 other women. Or is it 6 with 6 ?
This is such an immature, selfish and irresponsible kid that he seems to think his main role in life is to impregnant as many women as possible. Clearly he is incapable of understanding the simple process fo contraception, or the proper responsibility of a father to his children, or of proper respect for women.
Promises to have "changed" are worthless and almost meaningless, and problem just a tactic. His history proves that he does not change, and probably does not want to change. Why should he ? I hope all 4 mothers ( or is it now 5, or 6 ? or more ? ) have taken him to the maintenance court so the court can require him to pay proper maintenance for all his children - that is essential for the safety of the children, and so that he can learn the cost of his bad habits.
What on earth do you find to love about someone who behaves like this and is so likely to always cheat on you and accumulate more and more neglected kids and baby mamas ?
If he can afford to pay proper maintenance for all these kids, what marvellous job does he have ? As he obviously does not care enough about women to use condoms, what protection do you have for any disease / infection he may already have or pick up at any time ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lin | 2011/01/20

gal...wake up before it''s too late...men like him do not change...that''s who he is...if u dont wake up, one day he will bring u HIV, it''s incurable...WAKE UP PLEASE...u have ur future ahead of u

Reply to Lin
Posted by: buller | 2011/01/20

sounds like this men is cought on some baby mama druma, gal walk away and keep walking till you stop loving him before you loose your life to some sexual desease.your worth more than the heart brake of being constantly cheated on exposed to STI''S.

Reply to buller
Posted by: Purple | 2011/01/20

His behaviour is not going to change, he''s proved that to you over and over.

If your self esteem is so low that you are willing to put up with that, then go on with the relationship as it is, but then stop being upset every time he cheats and doesn''t use contraceptives, and don''t cry when you are another of the pregnant exes or have an STD or find yourself HIV+ - it''s not like you weren''t expecting it to happen.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Rippel | 2011/01/20

Are you crazy girl, does he pay maintenace for all those kids, and how will he support you in your relationship, and be for sure, you will never trust him, love or no love

Reply to Rippel
Posted by: Lin | 2011/01/20

Once a cheater, always a cheater! You''re boyfriend''s never going to have any money because he will be paying child support (hopefully) for ALL the children that he fathered.

Move on with your life before he infects you with Aids. He sleeps around without any protection... You deserve better!

Reply to Lin
Posted by: Nika | 2011/01/20

I feel your pain but to tell the truth cannot understand why you''ve stayed with him for so long!?! It is really dificult when you love someone but thinking back can you SERIOUSLY say that he loves you back. I''d be more frustrated and mistrusting than anything else. Really is this how you want to spent the rest of your life nevermind when you decide to get married and have children and honestly if he was at child no.2 I would have said maybe but number 6 oh no, I don''t think so. Somewhere out there, there is someone who will make you happy again but the problem with some women (myself included) walking away is something you consider but just dont have the guts to do. I could have spared myself SO much pain and dissapointment if I had the guts to do that in my previous relationship and in the end I was the one who got hurt the most. I''m in a new relationship and even though he is amazing in so many ways there are things that he does that I really have a hard time coping with and yet again, I''M NOT WALKING AWAY!! The decision is ultimately yours but perhaps a list of pro''s and con''s of the relationship might make things more clear, atleast that''s what I hope for you!!

Reply to Nika
Posted by: runner | 2011/01/20

Firstly congratulations to him for fathering a child!

Secondly this situation is exceptionally dodgy for you, if this situation was compared to a property, it would be a fairly large estate with dodgy windows and doors, it would be spooky and unlived in with lots of dark corners, it would also have too many dirty toilets and there would be a large sign outside of the estate reading " this is a profoundly dodgy estate enter at your own life threatning risk" 

Solution is to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction of where this man is standing and dont look back. BUT if you love him then what can you do?

Reply to runner
Posted by: Unique | 2011/01/20

If you choose to stay with him then accept
1) He will continue to cheat
2) accept all the difficulties that will come with sustaining 6 kids - financially and emotionally (especially dealing with their mothers)
3) He obviously does not use protection so, your health is in the hands of whoever he decides to cheat with - you will not be able to condomise throught out your marriage.

Reply to Unique
Posted by: Lolo | 2011/01/20

U not confused its hard accepting and yet you know HE will never ever change.

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/20

I'm sorry, but I really can't undertand how anyone can een imagine that they have any chance of a stable, happy and lasting relationship with someone such as you describe who has 4 children by 4 other women. Or is it 6 with 6 ?
This is such an immature, selfish and irresponsible kid that he seems to think his main role in life is to impregnant as many women as possible. Clearly he is incapable of understanding the simple process fo contraception, or the proper responsibility of a father to his children, or of proper respect for women.
Promises to have "changed" are worthless and almost meaningless, and problem just a tactic. His history proves that he does not change, and probably does not want to change. Why should he ? I hope all 4 mothers ( or is it now 5, or 6 ? or more ? ) have taken him to the maintenance court so the court can require him to pay proper maintenance for all his children - that is essential for the safety of the children, and so that he can learn the cost of his bad habits.
What on earth do you find to love about someone who behaves like this and is so likely to always cheat on you and accumulate more and more neglected kids and baby mamas ?
If he can afford to pay proper maintenance for all these kids, what marvellous job does he have ? As he obviously does not care enough about women to use condoms, what protection do you have for any disease / infection he may already have or pick up at any time ?

Reply to cybershrink

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