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Question
Posted by: Chelsea | 2011/08/08

Ex Girl Friend

Hubby''s ex GF contacted him (long story) and out of the conversation she informed him that she had his baby many years ago. She said her parents informed his parents and they said they wanted nothing to do with this. My Hubby was shocked and finally discovered that this was all true. The child since passed away. Hubby is struggling to come to terms with things and I don''t know how to support him. I am not comfortable with the ex GF being in contact with him and have told him however I am happy to support him if he needs to get any detail/info about the child. I feel after that there is no reason for them to be in contact. Am I being unreasonable?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its hard to understand how people act, at times. You'd have thought she would have told him at the time, or that his parents, or even hers, woul have told him. One really must wonder WHY she would think of telling him NOW. What does she want ? Its not even support for the child, or for him to meet the child, as apparently the child died some time ago. Its hard to see what useful purpose would be served by continuing contact with the ex GF - if she felt no need to inform him or involve him earlier when it could have been so much more relevant and useful, there's little purpose now. Your viewpoint is entirely reasonable.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jenni | 2011/08/08

Look, there will obviously be questions that he wants answered and he will only get them from the ex. So yes, he does need to be contact with her until he had finished grieving the child he will never know. It may take a short period of time, it may take ages. You will need to be patient with him- if you start getting agitated at the contact between them then he will get angry at you for not understanding. I don''t think there is any need to get nervous or insecure at the correspondence between them- honestly, would you get back together with someone who informed you, after a child dies, that it was actually your baby? I doubt any sort of relationship will rekindle, and he may stop speaking to her completely.

Reply to Jenni
Posted by: IX | 2011/08/08

This is complicated. Why did his parents hide this? Were you aware of the child? When was this all taking place,before you got married etc. There seems to be trust issues here as well.

Reply to IX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/08

Its hard to understand how people act, at times. You'd have thought she would have told him at the time, or that his parents, or even hers, woul have told him. One really must wonder WHY she would think of telling him NOW. What does she want ? Its not even support for the child, or for him to meet the child, as apparently the child died some time ago. Its hard to see what useful purpose would be served by continuing contact with the ex GF - if she felt no need to inform him or involve him earlier when it could have been so much more relevant and useful, there's little purpose now. Your viewpoint is entirely reasonable.

Reply to cybershrink

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