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Question
Posted by: MK | 2008/10/06

Ex getting married

Hi CS

I have been divorced for around 2 years now.

My ex husband has been treating me really badly and I thought this was not necessarily a bad thing since it made it easier for me not to love him anymore. In fact, I was under the impression I was doing really well and am over him and moving on and no looking back.

I have been in a relationship myself for the past year, and although I am not totally happy 100% of the time in this relationship it is mostly good.

Now my problem. My ex is getting married in 2 weeks time. Our daughter talks about the wedding non stop and I cannot stop her from doing that since she is so excited about it. She is a brides maid for the first time, pretty dress, hair to be done, the whole works. So I really cannot tell her I do not want to hear about it anymore. And the thing that has me puzzled the most is that I am feeling really sad about this wedding.

What' s up with that, CS? Is it maybe just me realising this is now truly the end of an era in my life? I was so convinced that I do not love him anymore. I still am. Then why do I feel sad?

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Our expert says:
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If you're divorced, why is your ex-husband treating you at all, well or badly ? Its actually not at all unusual for someone who has considered themselves at piece over a divorce, to find themselves feeling upset when the ex gets married. This upset usually doesn't last long, but it does rather emphasize that he/she will not be coming back to you. Yes, it emphasizes the end of an era. And of course, you recognize that your young daughter is excited about A wedding, and don't want to spoil her fun --- when she talks about it, remember for her its the first wedding she gets to play a part in, rather than thinkoing about it as involving your ex. Even if you don't love him it still feels sad when something really ends --- heck, some people feel sad at the end of a TV series, even if they never acually enjoyed the programs !

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Our users say:
Posted by: MK | 2008/10/07

There is absolutely no way I am going anywhere near that wedding! My daughter is almost 12 years old so she will be fine on her own, and there will obviously be other family members (from his side of course) who will be attending. She is happy about the wedding anyway. Thanks for your comments, at least I feel a bit more normal now, whatever normal may be!

Reply to MK
Posted by: babygirl | 2008/10/06

i can' t begin to imagine what you are going through. It is indeed very sad, but just pray about it. I know that it' s hard to see your ex progressing especially because he mistreated you but life is unfair. Just put up a face and wish them well (for your daughter' s sake). If you can send a relative to accompany your daughter to the wedding, it would be ideal ' cause going there will just traumatise you even further. Good luck girl

Reply to babygirl
Posted by: Lin | 2008/10/06

It' s normal to mourn the loss of something. And now that you know he can' t be yours - he definately belong to someone else, the " old feelings"  might return.
Take time to get over it - you aren' t expected to be happy for him.

Reply to Lin

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