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Question
Posted by: dw | 2011-08-01

ex, boyfriend and kids

I am currently seeing this guy for a month now but before that we have been friends for almost 3 years. So when we become both single at the same time, we got together because we just knew it would work between us. Everything is great, the only problem is that he has 10 month old twins. Now that the ex fiance knows about me, she is using every tool in the tool box to manipulate him and is using the kids as pawns. The latest trick is that she doesn’ t want me to meet the babies until we are more serious!!! They are 10 months old, they don’ t know who is who yet and other women have helped change their nappies before, but that was never an issue. She also has the next door neighbour spying to see when I visit him, when I leave, she knows the car I drive.... so now I cant even visit him at home. I have no baggage and no responsibilities, so he gets it easy with me but I am throwing myself into this big mess. He needs to get lawyers involved but he doesnt seem to want to go that route. The ex is not working and is staying with her mother who is an alcoholic. My bf pays everything for the kids - so the ex actually doesnt have a leg to stand on if the law comes into it. I feel like throwing in the towel - some advice would be useful. Thanks in advance.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Are the twins from the relationship with the person he recently broke up with ? If he is the biological father of the twins, his ex is not entitled to refuse him access to them, and while you don't have specific rights of access, she is also not entitled to lay down the law about who may see the children while they are with him. Maybe it would be useful to have access rights decided and enforced by a court. A maintenance court would decide what it is fair for him to pay ( and it might be less than he is paying at present ) and his access rights don't depend on him paying maintenance. What a bitter ex has to face is that such access is intended for the benefit of the CHILDREN, and not to enable her to satisfy grudges.
And she has no right meddling in his life or spying on who visits him.
But overall, you would be wise to reconsider the whole matter, as i doesn't sound as though he is socially, legally or psychologically free from his previous relationship and free to form a free relationship with you.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2011-08-01

Read CS last sentence .....then run very fast!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-08-01

Are the twins from the relationship with the person he recently broke up with ? If he is the biological father of the twins, his ex is not entitled to refuse him access to them, and while you don't have specific rights of access, she is also not entitled to lay down the law about who may see the children while they are with him. Maybe it would be useful to have access rights decided and enforced by a court. A maintenance court would decide what it is fair for him to pay ( and it might be less than he is paying at present ) and his access rights don't depend on him paying maintenance. What a bitter ex has to face is that such access is intended for the benefit of the CHILDREN, and not to enable her to satisfy grudges.
And she has no right meddling in his life or spying on who visits him.
But overall, you would be wise to reconsider the whole matter, as i doesn't sound as though he is socially, legally or psychologically free from his previous relationship and free to form a free relationship with you.

Reply to cybershrink

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