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Question
Posted by: kim | 2011/04/18

EX

Hi

I have a long one for you sorry.

I went out with a guy since i was 19 till i was 23 and he was 21 when we first started dating.
its been 4 months i have struggled to get over this, and he hit me and embarrassed me by throwing my stuff in to the street it was always a dramatic fight with him. he comes from a rich family and is a spoilt brat. he didn’ t working for the last 2 years of our relationship and i did at a very good company, i financially supported him was his personal cheerleader and let him get away with murder.

he then leave me after one of his crazy fights were our families got involved and he blamed me completely and made me feel like i had ruined everything. i have been getting there but every time i seem to be getting on my feet he knocks me down

hes dad after we broke up got so upset with him he shipped him to Durban to work, two weeks before he leaves 2 weeks after our break up he gets a new girlfriend a full on girl friend and sms me to tell me she doesn’ t bring the bad out in him ect like i did (meaning the hitting ) its now 4 months later and they have been doing long distance for 3 months . ( consider shes 28 and hes 26 ) he now sms me on Saturday to tell me out of respect before i hear it via the grape vine he is getting engaged to this girl.

im devastated we were each others lives and 4 months later he’ s getting married.

Everyone says he’ s pathetic and is trying to prove to the world he’ s okay with our break up he is very immature.

i just don’ t know how to deal with this im taking it badly we lived together for 3 of thous 4 years.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, it was not your intentions, but you unwittingly encouraged him to behave badly. And for a child from a wealthy family to expect you to support him is ridiculously greedy and selfish. Surely you deserve much better than this heel ? Loss of an abuser like him should be celebrated. See a counsellor to help you get out of the bad habit he became. Feel sorry for the new girlfriend, who may not know what she's letting herself in for. He'll abuse her when it suits him. He's flaunting her now to try to hurt you. Send him congratulations, and ignore him from then on. You have lost less than nothing.
I very much doubt that you EVER meant as much to him as he meant to you - I doubt that he is capable of the sort of deep and sincere feelings for anyone else, that you are. You will come to recognize how lucky you have been. Let go of your attachments to him, take time to heal, and then start to be open to the sort of good man you deserve

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: kim | 2011/04/18

Thanks guys i did just that, my mother knowing him said he''ll lose his mind not getting the response he thought he''d get. i guess i am lucky he''ll never ever change.

i feel bad for her as well she has no idea he''s all roses in the start.

Reply to kim
Posted by: Chloe | 2011/04/18

Good riddance to bad rubbish, that''s what I say. I agree, thank heavens it was not you. Yes, congratulate him, and at the same time ask him to stop contacting you, because and engaged man does not communicate with other women. It is sore now, but in time you will see that he was no good for you anysays

Reply to Chloe
Posted by: Soul | 2011/04/18

Honey you send him a sms back congratulating him. You''ll get over him, trust me the last thing you want is a guy in your life that constantly lifts his hands to you.
Regardless if his relationship lasts with her or not 4 months is hardly enough time for her to know him completely considering it''s a long distance relationship, in fact I''ll bet she calls it off before they are to get married.

His just telling you this to hurt you and in truth you should see it as a blessing in disguise knowing it''s not you.

Be strong you''ll get through this and meet someone who won''t lift his hand to you and appreciate you.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Liza | 2011/04/18

Do yourself a favor and go for counseling to help yourself through this breakup. You were with him for a long time and it was more like a marriage with a divorce than just a regular breakup. Very few people can go through that alone without outside help. The way your ex is going about things will only bring disaster on his own head. Perhaps he''s doing it to spite you for not continuing to spoil his ungrateful behind BUT in actual fact the breakup will definitely be good for YOU in the long run since you no longer have to support him at your own detriment.

I actually feel sorry for his fiancee. She''s the one getting the short end of the stick...

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/18

OK, it was not your intentions, but you unwittingly encouraged him to behave badly. And for a child from a wealthy family to expect you to support him is ridiculously greedy and selfish. Surely you deserve much better than this heel ? Loss of an abuser like him should be celebrated. See a counsellor to help you get out of the bad habit he became. Feel sorry for the new girlfriend, who may not know what she's letting herself in for. He'll abuse her when it suits him. He's flaunting her now to try to hurt you. Send him congratulations, and ignore him from then on. You have lost less than nothing.
I very much doubt that you EVER meant as much to him as he meant to you - I doubt that he is capable of the sort of deep and sincere feelings for anyone else, that you are. You will come to recognize how lucky you have been. Let go of your attachments to him, take time to heal, and then start to be open to the sort of good man you deserve

Reply to cybershrink

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