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Question
Posted by: Caro | 2011/06/07

End of the affair

I am involved in an extra-marital affair which I now want to end. I have received all the judgements, deservedly so, thanks very much, but now just need advice which says more than ''just end it''. The person I am involved with does not feel that he wants to be without me and we will till see each other regularly. He has lived with this pain before as he has silently loved me for over 20 years. I made a mistake by allowing the relationship to rekindle and now want to rectify without causing him to feel that I have deserted him again. I love him too but realise that I cannot continue this relationship as my family and my sanity mean too much to me - before it is too late.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You know extra-marital affairs are a really bad idea, so you are wise to decide to end it. But if you are to still see each other regularly, in what way are you "ending" it ? Unrequited love is sad, and indeed happens, but isn't grounds for a basically dishonest affair based on cheating. The prior relationship should be ended, as kindly as possible, before on is free to start another.
You last sentence summarises it well. Tell him, calml and kindly, and part, and remember each other fondly, as we all think back on great opportunities we once missed

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Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/09

Ahmen Laurie !!!

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Laurie | 2011/06/08

Ask yourself this, how would you feel if your hubby were doing the same thing to you? Would you expect him to end it, would you ask him to leave, or would you expect him to KINDLY reject the lady? Wouldnt you be furious? and expect him to immediately and abruptly end the relationship?
By the way, did you know that these days a spouse can sue the mistress/lover and his or her own spouse for breach??
Wake up! Imagine if your kids were to hear rumours about their mom/dad screwing around? What example do they then have to refer to one day should they have marital problems?.. Please stop being selfish and get it over with. extra marital affiars are far too common and easy to commit, no wonder some kids today are promiscuous.

Reply to Laurie
Posted by: Queen | 2011/06/08

If you are still looking for advice on HOW to break the affair then you''re not ready to end it. No advice given here will be good enough to make end it.

By the way, secrets always find their way out....

Reply to Queen
Posted by: J | 2011/06/07

Married sleep-around wants to keep her options open in case the affair become public and her husband dumps her. Rudeness will jeopardise that

Reply to J
Posted by: Phil | 2011/06/07

Yes Caro  I had to be so rude to him. You have to understand  what you two are doing - potentially destroys lifes. Real people  with feelings!
It isn''t fair now is it?
You do sound like a very sincere lady  and just maybe he got the wrong messages. My two cents.

You know what to do  and being nice and kind about it won''t do anyone any favors..

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Caro | 2011/06/07

Phil, did you have to be so rude to him? My goodness. I just read those postings now. That is part of his name. What an inflated idea he has of me. Anyway - your advice is easier said than done. I''ve done it before and will try very hard as much pain as I''m feeling.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Phil | 2011/06/07

The guy isn''t called David perhaps? Similar story..

Anyhow  you need to cut all ties and be extremely diplomatic whenever you have no choice to be around this person. Don''t communicate with this person if you don''t have to.
Simple  you tell him your family important  and he should please respect it. Then the topic is closed  you ignore any attempts form here onwards.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Caro | 2011/06/07

We will see each other socially as we have some friends in common and live in the same vicinity. School events happen regularly over the weekends at the school our children attend. We frequent the same bookshop and mall (I will have to change but my kids will not understand as they love the bookshop). He comes there alone but I could ask him not to.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/07

All I can say is well done and just take yur last sentence and tell him that. That says it all.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/07

You know extra-marital affairs are a really bad idea, so you are wise to decide to end it. But if you are to still see each other regularly, in what way are you "ending" it ? Unrequited love is sad, and indeed happens, but isn't grounds for a basically dishonest affair based on cheating. The prior relationship should be ended, as kindly as possible, before on is free to start another.
You last sentence summarises it well. Tell him, calml and kindly, and part, and remember each other fondly, as we all think back on great opportunities we once missed

Reply to cybershrink

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