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Question
Posted by: Slowly crashing | 2012-01-31

Emotionless

Morning everyone.
I have posted this on cyber a while back.
Please do not judge.I just need to talk to soeone and get advises.
I met my boyfriend in 2005 I was doing my first year in varsity and he was doing his last.We were realy inlove ,he was my second.He was working part time..2006 early i fel pregnant.He was doing his last semester graduating in june.He insisted i terminate because he felt it was going to slow down his career and his parents are gona be disapointe.I dont have parents so either i leave school and take care of the baby and continue when the baby is older or take baby to his parents.I didnt want to,but i just imagined myself strugling with a baby by myself,it was too much.Typing this im holding back tears.We decided i go,i remember the night before crying at his res asking him thatwe should keep baby as he is working il find a job too.But he refuse.He didnt go with me there,he had classes to attend.I was alone there scared and cnfused.I remember evry litle detail about it like it was yesterday.Even the doctor who did it.I remember he was telling me to leave my bf because he doesnt love me,and my life wil not be the same.There was no counselling.
Something died in me that day.I dont know what it is but i just felt emptiness.
Our sexlife changed since.I always had abdominal pains.I always had an excuse why i dont want to,besides the pain,i just felt like screaming everytime he touched me.When we at it i enjoy but after that i just want to stand up and do something.Im a loving person,we usd to cuddle and talk now i just want to leave the room.We broke up and i met someone and the 2years we were together the sex was great.We broke up because of emotional abuse.I have his baby.My bf of 2006 came back.He was there for me through it all.we decided to get back together and i hoped things would change.Hes a great person and my famly think i should marry him.i know he loves me.But the past always come back.now i feel hees here with me and my baby because he feels guilty about 2006..He thinks i have issues it cant be 2006 incident thats making me like this.I love sex but just not with him.I still want to scream when he touches m or want to kisss me.How do i get over this and move on with him.I think agai im afraid of being without him as hes been there for me since,except with the termination.Last time we did it was in november.I do feel like doing it but when i think of him >  >  > 
Thanks for reading my long post.
Do i need counseling or am i just insane.
I think the reason im with him now is because my daughter adores him and so does my family.Im gona break her heart if i leave him shes@ and shes known him since birth because her daddy was never there.
:(
How do i deal with all this?Last nite we tried even boought toys to spice it up but when done i just want to stand up and leave him there or cry myself to sleep.I just felt empty.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

The traumatic circumstances and events and the lack of emotional support during the termination is obviously still with you. By the sound of it you also have some unresolved emotions regarding your last relationship. Trust on en emotional as well as physical level seems to be aspects that need to be explored and dealt with. I do not think you are insane. On the contrary I agree with you that you need to consult with a therapist that specifically deals with sexual concerns. The physical pain that you describe can also be very strongly related to tension that enhances pain during intercourse. Regarding your little girl: It is important that you explore first what you need and then you can make decisions. You are the biological mother and the more you are emotional stable to more you can be there for your baby.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Black Like me | 2012-01-31

I hear your heartache. it sad but true. i think what happened before have traumitised your emotionally. You should go for counselling and when the need comes take him with you so he can see how much pain he caused you and try to heal, you can forgive but it had to forget cause the scar is still there. It life challenges but for you to cheat on him would not sort anything, it will make u feel better for the time being but in the long run there are not benefits. If you read my question yesterday, my wife is in a similar position so work it out guys or try to. For me too is hard but time is a perfect healer. Goodluck.

Reply to Black Like me
Posted by: Slowly crashing | 2012-01-31

This has resulted in me cheating.I know it was wrong of me.With someone i have known my whole life and I got that feeling back.How do i let go?I dont want to loose him but how do i fix it all. :((((((

Reply to Slowly crashing
Posted by: Sexologist | 2012-01-31

The traumatic circumstances and events and the lack of emotional support during the termination is obviously still with you. By the sound of it you also have some unresolved emotions regarding your last relationship. Trust on en emotional as well as physical level seems to be aspects that need to be explored and dealt with. I do not think you are insane. On the contrary I agree with you that you need to consult with a therapist that specifically deals with sexual concerns. The physical pain that you describe can also be very strongly related to tension that enhances pain during intercourse. Regarding your little girl: It is important that you explore first what you need and then you can make decisions. You are the biological mother and the more you are emotional stable to more you can be there for your baby.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

Reply to Sexologist

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