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Question
Posted by: anon | 2009-08-13

Emotionally unstable girl - what to do?

My brother recently broke up with his girlfriend because of her anger outbursts which he couldn' t deal with anymore. She begged and pleaded with him, and so he said he' d think about the relationship again, but she harassed and stalked him so much through out this time that he finally told her there was no chance of them getting back together.
During this time she contacted me repeatedly about how hurt and confused she was, and I always tried to comfort her as I felt genuinely sorry for her. The final scene where he told her they were over was quite public as she' d followed him somewhere and made a huge scene in front of all his friends. That night she sms' ed me to say that he was cheating on her, and that she felt betrayed, etc. She kept smsing me the next morning, until I finally ignored her.
Later, I went onto facebook and saw that she had posted she was going to kill herself. I smsed her, and got no response. I phoned a little later, and her dad answered - from the emergency room. She had taken lots of pills with alcohol.

Needless to say, everyone was extremely shocked and upset. But I' ve since found out that she smsed everyone (including her parents) to tell them what she was going to do - she obviously didn' t want to succeed. Now she' s out of hospital again, and she doesn' t stop smsing / phoning my brother. He ignores her, because the second she thinks he' s paying her any attention, she redoubles her efforts and thinks there is still a chance for them. Which there isn' t. She is completely obsessed with him. She still smses me, probably because she hopes I' ll talk to him about her. But now she mostly rants about how he cheated on her (which he didn' t) and betrayed her and hurt her etc. I want to shake her and tell her the only reason he left her was because of this exact behaviour, but I' m too scared to say anything negative as this might send her over the edge.

She smsed my brother last night to tell him she was going to commit suicide again, and this time she' d make sure she was alone. But this morning she smsed me again to ask me to ask my brother to write her a letter to explain why he left her, etc. So she was still alive and kicking.

How do you handle a situation like this? Our family actually fears for the safety of my brother, because we don' t know what she' s capable of. (she' s showed up randomly in places where she knows he' ll be.) He still ignores her, but he' s warned her that if she keeps this up he' ll get an interdict against her. But he' s also scared that if he does this she' ll do something to herself again.

I' m ignoring the rant-like smses from her now, only responding to the more rational ones. I think she needs to get professional help, which she claims she' s getting, but my brother says it' s not the case. I just want to make her realise what she' s doing, but I really don' t know how to respond to her anymore.

Any advice??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Stalkers should not be tolerated --- stalking is about obsession, not about love, and he should cojnsider going to court to get a restraining order against her, and, if she is effectively troubling you as well, you should join him in seking that order, forbidding her from contacting either of you. And her overdose was blackmail, also not deserving to be respected, though of course needing to be taken seriously from a medical point of view. The fact that she SMS's everyone shows how irresponsibly manipulative she was. Again, this is not about love, but about her demanding that everyo ne must do exactly what she wants.
While in hospital she should have been seen by a psychiatrist, who should have been told about her bad behaviour, and her father should arrange for that right now. Change your cell numbers so she canot SMS or call any of you. So not respond to any of her mesages.
Get the interdict --- whether or no she harms herself manipulatively is HER responsibility, not yours.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: D | 2009-08-13

Do not reply to smses and change your cell phone numbers and definitely get an interdict against her, please do your brother a favour and dont be in contact with her whatsoever. Make sure her parents are at home with her when the interdict is delivered that is if she is living with them, maybe then her parents will realise she needs their help to find her help.

Reply to D
Posted by: D | 2009-08-13

Do not reply to smses and change your cell phone numbers and definitely get an interdict against her, please do your brother a favour and dont be in contact with her whatsoever. Make sure her parents are at home with her when the interdict is delivered that is if she is living with them, maybe then her parents will realise she needs their help to find her help.

Reply to D
Posted by: L | 2009-08-13

I was exactly on the same situation but for me it was my ex-boyfriend. Next thing I know after I ignored him several times, he pitcched up somewhere and approached me with a Gun, wanting to kill both of us.

In this situation I think you must be more worried about protecting your brother against her. There is nothing u can do to help her if she has not picked up that she needs help.

Get ur brother to get an interdict against her, and make sure that when she sms you you tell her to leave ur brother alone. If she wants to kill herself let her go ahead.

Try get a her friend to talk to her, for her own sake. I went through hell after escaping the gunman, running away from him after he was released on bail.

All the best

Reply to L

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