advertisement
Question
Posted by: Desy | 2011-10-10

Emotionally detached

Hi my spouse says that she is emotionally detached from our marriage for a very long long time (like after17yrs), she does not feel anything for the marriage and says she has been pretending to be there and in it for a long time, she does not feel for any type of intamacy, romance or any sex at all , she says she does feel for it ,want it desire it, she does not feel IT, period, it so bad that she actually wants out of the marriage completely and says she does not even want me as well, that i should just move on with someone else who will make me happy, cos she can''t do that for me, she says she tired and wants to be on her own with my 2 kids ,she also says she has come to a point where she has stopped lyiing to herself and pretending that she is in the marriage,SHE JUST WANTS OUT SHE IS EVEN TALKING ABOUT A DIVORCE. Doc PLEASE help this woman is my all my past, present and future, what is going on ,tell me what help she needs or how to fix this . ITS URGENT I AM LOSING MY FAMILY Thanx

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Is it ONLY the mariage from which she feel so "emotionally detached" ? I wonder, for instance, whether she may be depressed, which can produce this broad effect of losing pleasure in many things. Nobody, however they fe;, should just give up on a marriage, especially after such a long time, without trying to iodentify what's wrong and how best to fix it. And that should include the couple seeing a good marriage counsellor to seek to fully understand what is going wrong, and what would be the best way to deal with it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Desy | 2011-10-11

Hi all, thanx for the repilies, yes cybershrink, she is under enormous pressures, the kids, as i work away and see them on w/ends,she runs her own business , is a workahollic, she works at the office then comes home and when the kids are in bed, out comes the laptop and work goes on till the early hours of the morn, she hardly gets any sleep, is up at 05:30 to start the day ,and this everyday and if she could do it w/ends too ,she would.she is also stressed depressed , demotivated, on medication for HBP,the business is not doing too well so there is added pressure too, in her mind she has to make it work,she has not been able to draw a salary for the last 3 mnths, and although i have a steady income, it still not enough to sustain us so she uses her overdraft facility to keep going, im at the point of resigning from my job here as i have been looking for a while for employment closer to home to relieve some of the stressess she is facing and at the same time be in a position to find another where they live at present.,she tells me thats not a an option as we need my income,i must be a realist cos she is one,she tells me to come down off (cloud 9) and see the bigger picture,i think i am more of a realist than she is for trying to fix all of this before its too late,i''m at the mercy where i am losing my wife and partner over a job, if i stay for the salary i lose them , i somehow feel like a (cash cow and nothing more) .She has said that she , i and (we) must see a psycologist but with her kind of work ,she is always around the country so there is virtually no time to make an appointment for help. As i type this now, she is in EL and tomorrow off to JHB and then home only thurs nite.Doc im batteling here for my family, i''m practically dying and will lose her soon if i dont get her help or to the bottom of this ,again, pleassssssssse help,

Reply to Desy
Posted by: Realist | 2011-10-11

I do believe its a modern trend. The old values and mindset of a family unit, Dad at work, Mom at home raising the kids etc. has almost vanished. For many years now girls are becoming highly educated and qualified and are now pushing the men out of their traditional roles , not that its a bad thing, but it is emasculating the menfolk. Artificial insemination almost does away with men.c Woman are generally very independant and any man that does not come up to scratch can and will get his walking ticket. Muslim countries and practices do not have the same problem as in spite of them denying it, they do keep their womenfolk " down"  Modernisation has damaged old values, no doubt about it

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Woman | 2011-10-10

Personally l blame Oprah making women belive they do not need a man.

Now she is off air we can all go back to how things used to be. Life is never perfect no matter how many aha moments you have! and no matter how many things we know for sure!

If we can control our own destiny why is Oprah over weight and friends we ex convict Martha Stewart?

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Chris758 | 2011-10-10

Romany, I think you are 100% correct in how you see it. Desy I am in the same boat I think......no sex, no cuddling and she is only talking about work etc.

I told her that it is because we as men have lost the edge!! Not through our own doings but because of the time and circamstances we live in!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: Romany | 2011-10-10

I know of 2 women that simply packed up and moved out of their homes in the past 4 months and many that have been speaking about doing the same.
It makes me wonder.....Could this be a sign of our times maybe?
The woman being expected to work, bring in an income, care for children, be mother and wife.
men losing their " position" in life?I am not accusing or saying this is a fact... I am asking only as I have thought about this exact same thing often.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-10-10

Is it ONLY the mariage from which she feel so "emotionally detached" ? I wonder, for instance, whether she may be depressed, which can produce this broad effect of losing pleasure in many things. Nobody, however they fe;, should just give up on a marriage, especially after such a long time, without trying to iodentify what's wrong and how best to fix it. And that should include the couple seeing a good marriage counsellor to seek to fully understand what is going wrong, and what would be the best way to deal with it.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement