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Question
Posted by: dw | 2012-03-20

emotionally attached quickly

Hi. When I am single, I am happy and content. However when I meet someone, my whole life then revolves around them. I think about them constantly, want to be with them, become pushy and needy. How can I just pace myself and not get so emotionally attached so quickly?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like the neediness is a bit more than convenient, maybe not so noticeable when you're on your own. Are there perhaps issues of low self-esteem ?
Some folks have what I call the Groucho Marx Syndrome. Groucho. the famous comedian, once said that he would never join a club which would accept the likes of HIM as a member.
SO some people with low self-esteem, feel a desperate need to cling to and keep anyone who is friendly to them, for fear that nobody else would ever pay attention to them, even though its so often the neediness that drives people away. Its like the swimmers in difficulties you strangle the life-giard in their eagerness to hold on.
And when you find a close friend, with low self-esteem, you ten to assume that you somehow don't deserve to be loved, and that the other person will discover something awful about you, even if its just awful ordinariness,and will want to leave.
And as Moshe implies, it can be like being on too strict aand severe a diet, so when you meet an emotional buffet, you try to eat it all, quickly, before the restaurant closes.
Pace yourself, try to pay more attention to what the other person wants ( and doesn't want, like clinging ) rather than concentrating on what you're scared you might lose.
This is where counselling can help.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Vaughn | 2012-03-22

I cant believe we are all alike.. I thought I had the problem only but I totally agree with Moshe. I like my freedom, being single but when I get the guy that I like, I hold on for dear life!

Reply to Vaughn
Posted by: Moshe | 2012-03-20

Read Post 571 and tell me if we are not the same

Reply to Moshe
Posted by: Moshe | 2012-03-20

I am also like that and i think the problem is I take too much time being so lonely and when i finally meet that someone i hold on too tight and it is scary and frustrating. And the more we hold on too tight the more we are chasing them away. I dont have any remedy for that but it chase them away.

Reply to Moshe
Posted by: Bongi | 2012-03-20

Me three.

Reply to Bongi
Posted by: Vaughn | 2012-03-20


O my word, this is me... I am exactly lke you!

Reply to Vaughn
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-03-20

Sounds like the neediness is a bit more than convenient, maybe not so noticeable when you're on your own. Are there perhaps issues of low self-esteem ?
Some folks have what I call the Groucho Marx Syndrome. Groucho. the famous comedian, once said that he would never join a club which would accept the likes of HIM as a member.
SO some people with low self-esteem, feel a desperate need to cling to and keep anyone who is friendly to them, for fear that nobody else would ever pay attention to them, even though its so often the neediness that drives people away. Its like the swimmers in difficulties you strangle the life-giard in their eagerness to hold on.
And when you find a close friend, with low self-esteem, you ten to assume that you somehow don't deserve to be loved, and that the other person will discover something awful about you, even if its just awful ordinariness,and will want to leave.
And as Moshe implies, it can be like being on too strict aand severe a diet, so when you meet an emotional buffet, you try to eat it all, quickly, before the restaurant closes.
Pace yourself, try to pay more attention to what the other person wants ( and doesn't want, like clinging ) rather than concentrating on what you're scared you might lose.
This is where counselling can help.

Reply to cybershrink

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