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Question
Posted by: Chantal2 | 2011/01/10

Emotional - Kid

Hi Doc

Me again...Now that you know about the family controlling my life issue... I got another 1

The fiance''s child stays with us 2 weeks in a month and by his mother 2 weeks in a month..but he moves on a 7 day rotation. He seems to be closer to his mother, she has told the child that his father is a liar and she also contributes to spoiling him... She gives the child a false impression of what life is about by lyng to him about his name and other small things....She says his second name is a certain name and she lables it on his school stationary...on his birth certificate he only has one name but he continue to listen to his mother. she constantly lies to him about small things, like the fact that she went to all his school pays when he was in grade 1 ect...she hasnt been even been to a school meeting , only started coming last year and she couldnt even stay for the whole play and left again. This has created a distance between father and Son and I cant see that the child wants to stay with his mother. She has created a false perception of what is really going on and I think he believes her.
I truely believe that the child''s mother believes her own lies, she just had another baby and is unemployed, but her fiance looks after her - im not a type of person to take sides, I try not to get involved but I am going to marry this man and his problems will become mine...
What are we going to do about this problem... The child is really affected by his mother and granparents...My fiance is really not in control of anything. I cant say anything because they will say he is not my child... This situation is out of hand, I feel like im the only sane person.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is tragic, and sometimes, I think, amounts to abusive, that sometimes one parent after a divorce, out of sheer spite towards the other parent, damages the child(rens) relationship by trying to poison their minds against their other parent by bitter stories and biased comments.
The child will be reacting to what he THINKS is going on, and his will be biased by the mother's mischief.
This is a issue which would be very well worth your while to discuss within your counselling sessions, to work mout a shared mutual response.
Truly convincing liars usually lie to themselves first, and believe themselves.
And when you marry your fiancee, the child will be partly your responsibility, so you are being responsible and sensible in caring about this, and not nosy

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/10

It is tragic, and sometimes, I think, amounts to abusive, that sometimes one parent after a divorce, out of sheer spite towards the other parent, damages the child(rens) relationship by trying to poison their minds against their other parent by bitter stories and biased comments.
The child will be reacting to what he THINKS is going on, and his will be biased by the mother's mischief.
This is a issue which would be very well worth your while to discuss within your counselling sessions, to work mout a shared mutual response.
Truly convincing liars usually lie to themselves first, and believe themselves.
And when you marry your fiancee, the child will be partly your responsibility, so you are being responsible and sensible in caring about this, and not nosy

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