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Question
Posted by: Fran | 2012/03/24

Emotional Issues Affecting Sex Life.

I am a very sexual woman and would like my partner to perform every day but understand that this is not possible, as he works long hours and is very often tierd in the evenings, I am getting frustrated with broken promises and useless flirting through out the day only to be dissapointed in the evening. Over the past few weeks I have had to nag for so much as 10 minutes attention cause I feel he is avoiding me out of fear of me wanting to have sex again. I have tried to express my feelings to him and let him know that by avoiding me and working extra time I am feeling negelected and regected but then he only makes me feel worse by telling me how selfish and uncaring I am of what he is going through and that he is under a huge amount of stress and I should be more understanding. We both have our fair share of stress and frustration but I prefer to leave that behind when I see him in the evening. I have no doubt that he loves me dearly and will do anything for me, but how do I communicate my sexsual and attention needs to him without him taking it as an attack and then retaliating and make me feel even worse. It''s so bad that I''m starting to feel dirty and a bit like a hussy when I come on to him (he never makes the first move) and scared to share my emtions with him. What do I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Stress and work load is often overwhelming and a passion killer in a relationship. Furthermore people tend to deal with it differently. What I am hearing is the need for sex but also attention and closeness. The avoidance of sex often leads to the absence of sexual intimacy without sex as well leaving one of both of the partners more frustrated and with the feeling of not being loved. I would strongly suggest that you and your partner seek the professional assistance and guidance from a psychologist that can guide the two of your to reach a common ground and explore ways to have both your needs addressed in a mutual satisfying manner. By the sound of it you are both overwhelmed with all the pressures and not knowing how to accommodate the different needs of both. You need a fresh look and safe space to express your frustrations with each other and find a way out of this trap you currently find yourself in.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ANNONYMAS | 2012/03/29

since i have broken the promise i made to myself about having sex after marriage i feel resentful towards my partner. i got pregnant fisrt time having sex and now i am scared to have sex.

Reply to ANNONYMAS
Posted by: Ja | 2012/03/24

Well love I am in the same situasion except that I am the male for the last 21 years, believe me it will never change live with that or get out. You have no other choice.

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Sexologist | 2012/03/24

Stress and work load is often overwhelming and a passion killer in a relationship. Furthermore people tend to deal with it differently. What I am hearing is the need for sex but also attention and closeness. The avoidance of sex often leads to the absence of sexual intimacy without sex as well leaving one of both of the partners more frustrated and with the feeling of not being loved. I would strongly suggest that you and your partner seek the professional assistance and guidance from a psychologist that can guide the two of your to reach a common ground and explore ways to have both your needs addressed in a mutual satisfying manner. By the sound of it you are both overwhelmed with all the pressures and not knowing how to accommodate the different needs of both. You need a fresh look and safe space to express your frustrations with each other and find a way out of this trap you currently find yourself in.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

Reply to Sexologist

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