Posted by: Worried Granny | 2011-04-19

emotional harm to my 5 year old grand daughter

My daugter has left her childs father because he is an abusive person. He mentally, physsically and finacially abused my child for six years. She tried to leave before but he is a master manipulater and a phsycopath, that gets her to move back time after time just to face worse abuse everytime. It got to the point were she is an emotional wreck and lives in fear. He has an Eoropean passport and left for UK about six months ago. To find yet another job. Just as my child is getting to be herself again he is talking of coming back again and is trying to convince her to allow him back into her life. Their 5 year old daughter loves him because he never keeps a job and basically spends all the time at home with her. He gives her her way in everything and no punishment is allowed when he is arond. She does not understand the reason for our intense dislike in him and just want to have her daddy around.He uses this to get to my daugter. Besides the fact that he abuses my child he drinks and drives like a maniak. He wants visitation and want to take her away for weekends. How is this ever going to work? He is unstable with a bad temper and depressions, we fear that he might do himself and baby harm to get to our daughter, how do we prevent him from harming her but not harm the child in thr same time. She loves him and misses him and his parents terribly. How can we keep him away, my daughter never reported his abuse out of fear for him? How can she proof his abuse now, even if she has all the scars on her body?He never abuse my child in front of their child only verbally or by locking her up for a weekend in a room and going to visit his family, only to come home after 2 days again.My daughter has asma and it is life threatening to be locked up in a room for even a day. How do i explain to my baby why daddy cant come near my house or my child en if she loves and misses him? What can we do????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

You can go to the police with supporting evidence of the abuse and/or you can go to social services. They will give you options to protect your daughter and her child. However if the child is no direct danger with her father there is no reason to keep her from seeing her father. All she needs is to be loved by him and be allowed to love him. The fact that he cannot keep a job is no reason to keep a child from seeing a parent. Only if she is in direct danger.
With what your daughter has gone through it is understandable that you wish him out of your lives for good, but it is important to keep the focus on what is in the best interest of the child and the parents dysfunctional relationship should be kept separate from the relationship your grand child should be allowed to have with both her parents.
The parents would benefit from attending some co-parenting coaching classes to reach an agreement on how to raise their precious daughter in the best possible way and sparing her from much un-necessary hurt.


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Our users say:
Posted by: christelle | 2011-04-20

Yes it all souns so easy to just go for counsilling ect. he like most abusers does not admit his guilt, and by just requesting it will bring rage and violance back to the mother. If he has threatened her before with harming all three of them how can you wait to see if he was serious or not. Get an interdict, and arrange visitation under supervision.good luck!

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