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Question
Posted by: Elaine | 2010-05-25

Emotional Affair - can not forgive can not cope

I recently found out my husband of 10 years have cheated on me. It all happen 2 months ago. I found sms on his phone 4rm this women. It said that she loves him lots. I was devastated, couldn''
believe he had betrayed me like this. I confronted the women. She is one of his customers. At 1st he had denied everything, he assured me the sms was sent 2 him in error.. I was so stupid n naï ve I believed him. I called the no n when I confronted her she said it wasn''t meant for John I became aggressive and she became vulgar and swore at me. He knew who it was n he allowed her to swear at me. He even suggested that we send her a sms telling her I need clarity as to why she sms my husband. The next day I had found out it was all true. He was having this emotional affair with this women for the past year. She couldn''t take it and confessed that she had bought John stuff cause he asked for it and she helped him out financially cause she knew he was finding it hard. She confessed they shared a couple of kisses and went out to a couple of sporting games.. But the next day when they had time to talk. He asked her to deny everything. She then said she never bought him anything that she never said all those things. After torturing John he eventually confessed that she indeed did buy him takkie, cell phones, sun glasses.. But he still says she never gave him money. I have since confronted her and her husband. She is one manipulating women. In front of her husband she told him she has her husband wrapped around her fingers and that she wears the pants. Her husband never said anything. He never even fisted John. Which made me so angry. He was so carm, all he said was they must stop talking and that was it. I showed him all the proof that his wife bought my husband so expensive gifts and he wasn''t the least bit interested. They conversations the last 2 months were the entire day.I know they conversations had to have been sexual.. A few months back John had asked me to find a chat partner on the internet I put my profile but ignored it. Until one day I suddenly gt mail 4rm this guy wanting to get 2 know me . I told John about it and he was like yes talk to him.We had a lot of sexual talks with this internet guy... All the emails I used to 4ward to John. Cause I knew it was exciting himself this infidelity I found out that my internet chat guy was my husband John... I feel so defiled... I feel so betrayed... He is currently seeing a physics.... On top of everything he has done to me he does this.... He has a split personality.. He lives a double life.... While John n I were having all of this sexual chats .... He was smsing Jane as well.... So there is no way he can tell me there were no sexual chats with Jane. Since then I am making his life a living hell.... I call him names send him sms''s telling him what a useless husband, what kind of a father does this to his children. I torture him, even gave him suggestions of how to end his life.....I feel both Jane n John have to pay for the way they hurt me. I''m a good person with good morals and values and I just can not except the way I have been betrayed n hurt. Jane says I''m sick I''m a physcopath...

But I feel all my reactions n hurt is normal I feel she''s the one with a serious problem... She says all the things she bought for John is all material stuff n that I should just burn it. What kind of a women, a mother... Buys another married man things.

Pls help me I don''t know what to do. I have so much of anger and revenage in me. I feel John must pay for his actions. Yes I still love him but not the way I used to. I am just too hurt and betrayed. Can not put the hurt behind me. I feel I can nevr 4give him. He wants 2 move on but I can''t let go.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

PLEASE, guys, edit down your messages, as it becomes reall difficult to follow and respond properly to very long ones.
Gosh, with the interne pretense etc, you guys seem to have created a life more complex than a TV soapie, and then to feel uncomfortable when this becomes awkward.
As for the husband you describe, he doesn't have a split personality - he's a liar, and not always a skilled one.
See a personal counsellor to sort out your own confusions ; consider seeing a marriage counsellor, if you both sincerely want to save the mariage ; otherwise, see a good lawyer

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-25

PLEASE, guys, edit down your messages, as it becomes reall difficult to follow and respond properly to very long ones.
Gosh, with the interne pretense etc, you guys seem to have created a life more complex than a TV soapie, and then to feel uncomfortable when this becomes awkward.
As for the husband you describe, he doesn't have a split personality - he's a liar, and not always a skilled one.
See a personal counsellor to sort out your own confusions ; consider seeing a marriage counsellor, if you both sincerely want to save the mariage ; otherwise, see a good lawyer

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