advertisement
Question
Posted by: Lost | 2011/06/03

Emotional affair

I cought my wife of 12 years having an emotional affair. This happend over a period of 3-4 months. They had sex over the phone (I don t know physically) and discussed intemate fantasies that she would not even tell me. Now she is as far for blaming me for everyting, and that our mariage of 12 years was a mistake and she never was happy anyways. She says I verbally abused her. Now I must go and c a shrink for my verbally abusive behaviour. No one knows of this, everyone think it was just a friend, now everyone thinks I am the Bas#$rd.
Can this be of the mirena implant for birth control? and does anyone have advise please?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Phone sex is a bit beyond " an emotional afair", and it's ludicrous for her to blame you for what she freelly chose to do. If she was never happy, as she now claims, that's her fault - why didn't she discuss this with you very long ago, and insist on seeing a mariage counsellor with you, to sort things out.
No drug or birth control device is any excuse for her behaviour. If she is no complaining to others about abuse that apparently didnt actually happen, and bad-mouthing you to your friends, it is SHE who is being abusive.
She is refusing to take responsibility for her own bad behaviour, and trying to blame you, the victim, for what she chose to do to you.
Tell everyone she talks to about what she has been doing, and about how distressed you are that she is trying to invent excuses to blame you for her bad behaviour.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

9
Our users say:
Posted by: anel | 2011/06/05

nothing can make her wrongs wright, but what if she told him over and over again to stop drinking that the marraige is not strong , loss 20 kg for him to she her but friends and alcholl came first? she is wrong but does she need to hear it every day of her life for the rest of her life? i feel for someone who think they deserve a 2 change but can''t give it to some one else

Reply to anel
Posted by: frank | 2011/06/05

yes i am not easy to just let go.im giving it a try like i said she is seeing shrink its about 6months she has relised she screwed up big time she feels bad and hurt about it all she is alot with kids and myself . but if she has met any of them in real life its over. she promises she has never met any of them in real.only on cyper. anyway how you doing and whats ur next step.

Reply to frank
Posted by: felicity | 2011/06/04

Been there!! Once they''ve been caiught out they always blame you. I wasn''t attentive enough, supportive enough, loved the kids too much, loved the dogs too much. The person usually has low self esteem and is looking for affirmation that they are Ok, exciting etc etc. Mine didn t end with 1st one but progressed to 3 which led to " real"  affairs. I did the counselling thing but he was never willing to show remorse or take his " part"  of the blame for what transpired. To be honest I don''t see how one could ever trust that person again and the doubts in your mind will drive you nuts as you will constantly be thinking who she''s with,talking to,sms''ing etc. I didn''t even try and set the record straight with " friends"  as I also got bad mouthed and I now realise they where never real friends anyway. My life has improved hugely without that pressure of worrying who the next girl was going to be. It took me 5 years before I said no more and realised my own self worth. Try therapy and hopefully it will come right!

Reply to felicity
Posted by: Realist | 2011/06/04

Frank, please tell me that yiou are no longer with this crazy person ??

Reply to Realist
Posted by: frank | 2011/06/04

are u sure thats all that happen? im marreid 24yrs my wife was also involved with that she even send naked photos and him. she was involved big time in cypersex. she is seeing a shrink. but she also said i was to blame. but everyone knew she was at fault. even the kids are ashamed of her. so my freind she must go and see a shrink. good luck i know what it feels.

Reply to frank
Posted by: Anon | 2011/06/03

Set the record straight with everybody so that you are not the scape goat for her nonsense and bad behavior. Did you verbally abuse her? If you did, then maybe it would be good to work through your issues, but this is not an excuse for her cheating on you.

Do not let her get off scot free here, making you out to be the jerk. Tell everyone she has lied to the truth. You deserve it, and she deserves it

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Phil | 2011/06/03

And no  the implant has nothing to do with the stuff you mentioned....

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Soul | 2011/06/03

If she had a problem with being so unhappy she should have discussed it with you to try and work through it before she started fooling around. She needs to take responsibility for her actions and not look for justification for what she did.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/03

Phone sex is a bit beyond " an emotional afair", and it's ludicrous for her to blame you for what she freelly chose to do. If she was never happy, as she now claims, that's her fault - why didn't she discuss this with you very long ago, and insist on seeing a mariage counsellor with you, to sort things out.
No drug or birth control device is any excuse for her behaviour. If she is no complaining to others about abuse that apparently didnt actually happen, and bad-mouthing you to your friends, it is SHE who is being abusive.
She is refusing to take responsibility for her own bad behaviour, and trying to blame you, the victim, for what she chose to do to you.
Tell everyone she talks to about what she has been doing, and about how distressed you are that she is trying to invent excuses to blame you for her bad behaviour.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement