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Question
Posted by: Bennie M | 2011/01/30

Embarressed

Hi Doc,

I often find myself in embarrissing moments, not only at work but also at other social events. I have this constant desire to look at womens breast. This might sound funny, but in my line of work, being a professional, it is a problem. Many women has caught me staring at them, and would, when they see me again cover-up or turn their backs. It''s not that I''m starring all the time, but I find it difficult to not look. Even a bit of cleavage shown by a woman in a meeting makes it extremely hard to concentrate on my work.

Please give me some suggestions to help with this. I''m happy married guy, so there is no other problems or issues. thanks very much.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy is the best bet for changing such bad and inconvenient habits. We used to use Behaviour Therapy, which focussed mainly on changing behaviours, but CBT goes usefully further in usefully dealing with the habits of thought that often accompany unwelcome behaviour.
Meantime you could try using Distraction, either by forcing yourself to look at something else ( examine your shoes or the windows ) when this thought arises, or pinch and twist the flesh of your hand to the point of mild pain, to break the pattern of looking and thinking pleasantly about the sight

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: outsider | 2011/02/01

if you feel this way then am sure other women/men may feel the same

perhaps it should be addressed anonymously to human resources

Reply to outsider
Posted by: Dresscode | 2011/01/31

there is this woman who works in our building.

Everything she wears is very low cut, and yes she is very tanned and must have had a boob job cause they do look quite amazing.... (and this coming from a woman).

But I feel sorry for the guys she''s working with. This kind of dresscode is just not appropriate at work.

Good luck

Just wear tinted glasses - then they won''t notice :-)

Reply to Dresscode
Posted by: Megan-Lee | 2011/01/31

About 3 months ago I met an old school friend for coffee and he spent the entire time looking at my boobs instead of my face ... it made me feel terribly uncomfortable especially when he sent me an sms afterwards telling me he would like to get his hands on " those things"  .... ouch!!! Needless to say I have chosen not to see him again! Bennie M, it is a difficult habit to break, but please take the woman''s feelings into consideration, we do not have eyes on our chest and it makes us feel uncomfortable when guys speak to our boobs instead of our faces .... to Just a guy ... your comments actually made me giggle ... such a guy thing to say :) :)

Reply to Megan-Lee
Posted by: Purple | 2011/01/31

Obviously this isn''t a case of a discrete look like I would imagine most men do, otherwise the women would not be aware of it.
You need to sort it out fast, a charge of sexual harassment will ruin your career completely.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Just a guy | 2011/01/30

Hell people, what on earth is happening. Eyeballing a pair of breasts or a nice tight butt surely does not warrant the head washing that has just been dished out.
All the guys I know do it constantly, guys just can''t help having a dekko.
OK. I agree. one has to be careful that you don''t actually stand there with a glazed eye look and a slight dribble on your lips, especially at work, but how does one just stop looking. Perhaps you will have to cop a more furtive squizz without it being so obvious ?

Reply to Just a guy
Posted by: Outsider | 2011/01/30

Gee, since you know you have this problem perhaps you should make a conscious effort to remember not to do it - otherwise you may just land up with one of them complaining to your human resources about your constant starring at them.

Do becareful you may also find yourself land up being fired - you never know and that could cause you entire world to fall apart with your marriage etc.

Otherwise maybe go see someone cause it''s not normal you should have the ability to focus on your work and put that sort of thing aside.

You going to land up in trouble if you don''t watch out!

Reply to Outsider
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/30

CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy is the best bet for changing such bad and inconvenient habits. We used to use Behaviour Therapy, which focussed mainly on changing behaviours, but CBT goes usefully further in usefully dealing with the habits of thought that often accompany unwelcome behaviour.
Meantime you could try using Distraction, either by forcing yourself to look at something else ( examine your shoes or the windows ) when this thought arises, or pinch and twist the flesh of your hand to the point of mild pain, to break the pattern of looking and thinking pleasantly about the sight

Reply to cybershrink

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