Our expert says:
i fully understand your predicament and i would like to commend you for your tireless efforts to claim something that is rightfully yours: sexual pleasure is fundamental in a relationship.
i do suspect that your husband has your best interests at heart but may lack the skills and techniques to accomplish his task. many men believe that sex is a natural act and like breathing it should come naturally to them. however, this is not the case and sex needs to be taught through partner-communication, sex-ed ect. thus, i suspect that your husband needs to be re-educated regarding sex but this may take a more active role on your part - you need to ensure that he practices what the books and educational material teach. one way of doing so is to theme each sexual act, ie: today will only be sex by the use of your tongue. the next day, sex only by using your fingers. by doing so, he will come to realise that both his and your sexual satisfaction is not just based on penetration by the penis but that even a tongue can make both a man and women orgasm. by the very fact that both of you would be encountering new territory, it may put him at ease as he will not be required to perform like a pro as both of you will be novices at it (many men are taught to believe that sex requires the man to be active and women to be passive which allots men the role of sexual satisfaction and performance for both partners squarely on his shoulders alone).
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