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Question
Posted by: Raad op..?? | 2011/06/07

Eks se kinders

Goeie dag almal...kortliks, ek en my eks is nou 3 maande uitmekaar na n wankelrige verhouding van 6jr. Hoe hanteer ek die situasie met my eks se 2 kinders...natuurlik wil hulle my nog sien, ek was soos n Pa vir hulle, hulle Pa is oorlede toe hulle in my lewe gekom het. Ek moet nou basies tyd afstaan om tyd vir hulle (2 kids) te maak...they accept the fact that there is a new woman in my life, but there hearts are still sore, and they cry when I see them, saying that I am trying to forget their existence.
Where, what and how from here...my g/friend, I can sense, does not like the idea, but is it not fare that I should spend some time with the kids..g/friend has a kid too.
I feel so sorry for my ex''s kids, but I dont know how to handle the situation.
En my g/f is bietjie vaag en raak half upset as die onderwerp opkom.

Dankie julle.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It;s very understandable that after such a long relationship, and in the absence of their bio-pa, your ex's kids look on you as a father and want to maintain a relationship with you. You and your ex should calmly discuss this and consider what would be best for the children.
Your exgf needs to think deeply about the kid's benefit, and find together ways for them to maintain a relationship with you that is good for them, and not to allow her own feelings, bitter or otherwise, to interfere with that

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Raad op | 2011/06/08

Dankie Maria..jy weet waarvan jy praat neem ek op.
Dit is dalk die manier om dit te hanteer, en sodoende kan niemand ongelukkig wees nie want daar is klaar gereelde tye om almal te akkomodeer...
Wat my egter pla, en iets wat nou kop uitsteek is, my eks blameer my nuwe meisie oor dinge nie vir ons gewerk het...sy het niks goeds te sê  oor my nuwe meisie en dit in die kids se teenwoordigheid...sal sy nie die kinders gebruik om nog -|- ak tussen ek en haar te behou nie??

Reply to Raad op
Posted by: Maria | 2011/06/07

Probeer ''n plan in plek stel sodat almal weet wat gaan gebeur en wanneer dit gaan gebeur. Bv. Een naweek ''n maand kom hulle na jou toe vir die hele naweek, ander naweke sien jy hulle op ''n Saterdagoggend en gaan bv. na sportwedstryde toe. Elke Woensdagaand eet hulle by jou aandete. Wat ookal werk vir jou en jou eks. Die kinders moet leer dat hulle nie te alle tye toegang tot jou het nie, maar dit sal makliker wees as hulle ''n voorspelbare plan het. Ja dit maak hulle seer, dis ongelukkig die realiteit vir kinders uit gebroke huise.

Wat jou meisie betref, sy sal ''n keuse moet maak. As jy besluit om die regte ding te doen met hierdie kinders (en ek respekteer jou daarvoor) dan moet sy besluit om dit te aanvaar of om jou te laat gaan. Dit sal ook makliker wees vir haar as daar ''n vaste program is.

Sterkte

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Raad op | 2011/06/07

My eks verkies dat ek hul nog sien, maar dit maak hul hartjies seer as ek nie dadelik hulle kan sien nie. Hulle wil hê  ek moet bv n naweek afstaan aan net hulle, wat dalk veel gevra is. Hulle het al by ek en die nuwe meisie kom kuier, en dit geniet. Maar ek kan nie hulle net vergeet en aangaan asof daar niks was nie...en die probleem is om my heidige girl te kry om dit te aanvaar.
Ai, nie geweet dit gaan sulke probleme veroorsaak nie.

Reply to Raad op
Posted by: Anon | 2011/06/07

You are one in a million wanting to spend time with your ex''s kids. Mine prefers to dislike my son, even though my son is very fond of him. The worst is everything that went wrong in our relationship was my fault.

Oh well, that''s the seeds we sow and the crops we reap.

Spend time with the kids, the gf must understand that these are just kids who are in the middle of this. They did not ask for their hearts to be broken and their lives to be turned upside down. Treat them with a little tenderness.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Maria | 2011/06/07

Hoe voel jou eks daaroor dat jy -|- ak hou met haar kinders? Dit klink beslis of dit in die kinders se beste belang sal wees as jy hulle nog gereeld sien, aangesien jy effektief hulle pa is. Net jy kan besluit wat vir jou die belangrikste is - om te voorsien in die kinders se behoefte aan ''n pa-figuur, of om jou meisie gelukkig te hou. Eerste prys sal natuurlik wees as jy die twee kan versoen.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/07

It;s very understandable that after such a long relationship, and in the absence of their bio-pa, your ex's kids look on you as a father and want to maintain a relationship with you. You and your ex should calmly discuss this and consider what would be best for the children.
Your exgf needs to think deeply about the kid's benefit, and find together ways for them to maintain a relationship with you that is good for them, and not to allow her own feelings, bitter or otherwise, to interfere with that

Reply to cybershrink

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