Our expert says:
Obviously what he did was very wrong. But now a major part of the problem is that you are choosing to respond to this in ways that are damaging to you. What he did is hardly likely in a bipolar person in a depressed phase, but if he is bipolar, he may have had Manic phases when he got high and would show really poor judgement in doing oolish things that seemed to him like a good idea at the time, and sexual indiscretions can be a part of that picture. This means that, IF this happened during a manic phase, he would be less responsible for what happened than in normal circumstances.
With proper treatment and medicaion it is highly unlikely that such a thing would happen again.
It would be useful for you to persist in working with a counsellor / psychologist who can provide CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy, to help you to set yourself free from this excessive focus on what happened - I'm not at all saying that it was OK, or not awful for you, but that to continue carrying all the bitterness and horror with which you responded to it, is compounding your own suffering, without solving the basic problems here.
Also, have you thought of marriage counselling, to explore this together and understand each other better ? Not as a glue to force you to remain together, but to enable you to make a better-informed decision about whether to stay together or not.
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