Posted by: Anon | 2009-07-20

Egg Donor

Hi there. I don' t want my husband to know that I can' t use my own eggs during IVF. I am planning on using my sisters. It would break my heart and his if he found this out. Is there a way that I can hide this from him? I know it sounds horrible, but I don' t want him to ever think that our child is anything less then that?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageFertility expert

Dear Anon

I guess there are possibly ways of avoiding your husband from finding out about an anonymous donor. However I think that this is unethical and may have serious repercussions at a later stage if ever found out. I am reasonably sure that most reputable fertility clinics will not accept doing a donor oocyte cycle without a full-informed consent from your husband.

Answered by: Dr Y.M. Dasoo

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Our users say:
Posted by: wowie | 2009-07-23

i wouldnt lie to my husband or keep such crucial info from him cos it WILL come out. one day, you and your sister will fight and she' ll mention it. and your marriage will get rocky if not over. i love my sister to death, but i' d rather use a stranger' s eggs. that way, your hubby doesnt feel indebted to your sista either and your sister doesnt feel the need to have a claim over your child (should something happen to you, touch wood), cos this current situation might be messy. be open

Reply to wowie
Posted by: gonna | 2009-07-21

I dont understand why would you want to use your sisters egg ....what you can do if there is something wrong on yourside
chat to hubby before hand tell him that the doctor can inject the sperm into your egg first but if it does not become a healty embroy can you use your sisters egg..but be open with your hubby....My hubby sperm count is very low and we did our first IVF with his sperm it did not work after chatting to him and thinking about it we have used donar sperm to do IUI he was not in happy about it but being honest and open with him he agreed...we went for 3 IUI but it did not work will be doing it soon again because both of us would love to have a LO
hope you chat to your hubby and he understands

Reply to gonna
Posted by: Anoni | 2009-07-21

I understand how you must feel, but lying to your husband is not going to make it better. You are going to have to live with that secret for the rest of your life and things always have a way of coming out. You will regret your decision later on in life. Have faith and believe in God, if your husband loves and adores you, and your faith is strong enough to pull you through this, If your honest enough with each other and go through the whole process together, it will make it so much worth while. We sometimes under estimate our partners and dont always believe in a good out come, but its always up to you whether you decide to keep quiet or not. It is not something to take very lightly, and it can make or break you. Honesty,communication and trust is always a very big issue in a marriage. Good luck and hope all works out for you.
PS: Im a donor myself and understand fully what couples go through, I' ve seen it first hand myself. But I' ve also seen the unconditional love and support from both sides when having to deal with this and its tremendous! You dont see that every day.

Reply to Anoni

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