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Question
Posted by: Deon | 2011/02/01

dwindling sex life

She is turning 40 soon. We have been married for 14 years now and over the last two or three years I have noticed our sex life starting to dwindle. I am a very loving and supportive husband, taking on a lot of the household chores, helping our kids with their home work, cooking and cleaning. We have spoken about it, and she said that the though of having sex with penetration makes her feel ill. She is disgusted with the act of love making. She feels that having sex is just there to make babies.<br>This has hurt me terribly, and I feel rejected. I just can’ t be intimate with her anymore.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Deon,

What you have described above, unfortunately is alot more common a reality many couples face, especially at the life stage that both of you are right now.

The factors that contribute to it are also multi-factorial. For many couples the early prerogative and felt pressure from family and society to get married and have children are all encompassing and drive the early stages of a relationship. Once this has occurred the up till then unaddressed realities of the couple's feelings, attitudes, beliefs and values about sex and sexuality come more into focus, past early childhood experiences related to sexuality start to play a more powerful role and impact on the sexual relationship, whilst at the same time for women especially biological, hormonal and physical changes that come with getting older, having had children etc start to also take effect.

I would strongly recommend that you and your wife consider consulting a couples and sex therapist who can offer the two of you a safe and supportive space to talk through and work through what is happening in your relationship right now.

The issues are complex and multi-layered and this forum could not do it justice.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: natz | 2011/02/04

it was not ment to help u but ur wife! she is the one with the problem. no one says u cant join in later or watch.

Reply to natz
Posted by: Women | 2011/02/04

Natz, very intelligent response. And please inform us exactly how will that help the man? Men can be just a passionate.

Reply to Women
Posted by: natz | 2011/02/03

maybe your wife does not want sex with you but with a woman? if straight sex disgusts her so then i would think she does not want sex but passionate love with a woman! there is no better sex!

Reply to natz
Posted by: Jesse | 2011/02/02

I know how you feel but from the female side. he doen''t want to do anything with me. I really do encourage it. He says it''s stress, I just feel rejected. he will never go for councilling. We have been married for 12 years.

Reply to Jesse
Posted by: Doofy | 2011/02/02

Obvious answer is for the two of you seek marriage counseling. There can be many reasons why she doesn''t want to have sex with you. I believe the one she gave you about having babies is simply an excuse for a deeper issue that she doesn''t want to admit to.

Reply to Doofy
Posted by: sexologist | 2011/02/02

Dear Deon,

What you have described above, unfortunately is alot more common a reality many couples face, especially at the life stage that both of you are right now.

The factors that contribute to it are also multi-factorial. For many couples the early prerogative and felt pressure from family and society to get married and have children are all encompassing and drive the early stages of a relationship. Once this has occurred the up till then unaddressed realities of the couple's feelings, attitudes, beliefs and values about sex and sexuality come more into focus, past early childhood experiences related to sexuality start to play a more powerful role and impact on the sexual relationship, whilst at the same time for women especially biological, hormonal and physical changes that come with getting older, having had children etc start to also take effect.

I would strongly recommend that you and your wife consider consulting a couples and sex therapist who can offer the two of you a safe and supportive space to talk through and work through what is happening in your relationship right now.

The issues are complex and multi-layered and this forum could not do it justice.

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: gudlover | 2011/02/01

women dont want soft lovers, you need to be rough. she will complain but you will get it everytime you want it. being soft she feels like she is in love with another woman. mancho attitude baba...

Reply to gudlover

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