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Question
Posted by: Biggy | 2012-10-17

Dry Days

I have been in a relationship for over 4 yrs with my girlfriend. The last 12mnths sex has been erratic and haphazard. Maybe 3 times between the said months. I feel i want to have sex with random girls and not her, The love is unquestionable there between us, just the sex. Are we beyond help at this stage?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Biggy
As you can see from the posts here, it is very common to lose the erotic spark in a long-term relationship. If you are both still in love with each other and committed to the relationship then there is always hope. You however need to press the reset button. Your first step is to share with each other the commitment that you are both willing to work together to reignite your sex life. After a prolonged period where there is little sexual activity you may find that both you and your girlfriend have unspoken feelings that should be aired before you are able to reconnect sexually. If you are both committed then there is every chance you can find success. There are many ways to bring back the erotic into your relationship including devoting protected time, flirting, introduce novelty and sexually stimulating audiovisual material, the use of fantasy…whatever it takes. An excellent book you may find useful is ‘mating in captivity’ by Esther Perel. Alternatively if you have really hit a cul de sac, seek the help of an experienced sex therapist.
Anthony - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Raymond Sibanga | 2013-02-05

Sexless for over 3yrs now...M 39 she is 37 we have a 5yr old gal...we hardly have sex,she is less interested since the baby,she is oftenly sickly and m strong &  wants sex as often as posible,i want to leave her but i love her and mo for my daughter,m still with her...m unemlployed she is the one working and that''s also the problem i suppose,we''ve been together for 9yrs now.please assist

Reply to Raymond Sibanga
Posted by: sexologist | 2012-10-18

Dear Biggy
As you can see from the posts here, it is very common to lose the erotic spark in a long-term relationship. If you are both still in love with each other and committed to the relationship then there is always hope. You however need to press the reset button. Your first step is to share with each other the commitment that you are both willing to work together to reignite your sex life. After a prolonged period where there is little sexual activity you may find that both you and your girlfriend have unspoken feelings that should be aired before you are able to reconnect sexually. If you are both committed then there is every chance you can find success. There are many ways to bring back the erotic into your relationship including devoting protected time, flirting, introduce novelty and sexually stimulating audiovisual material, the use of fantasy…whatever it takes. An excellent book you may find useful is ‘mating in captivity’ by Esther Perel. Alternatively if you have really hit a cul de sac, seek the help of an experienced sex therapist.
Anthony - SASHA

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