Posted by: Abegail | 2009-04-13

Drug Addict Sister

Hi all,

I left a really long message in the forum earlier, but I want to post here as well because I don' t think everyone looks at the forum.

My older sister (who I have always been very close with) has turned into one of the most hectic drug addicts I have ever come across in less than a year. I left a post here last year sometime because I had done that anon. Crimeline SMS thing against my sister and I was worried and I felt bad about doing it (nothing came of it though).

It all started when she met her " friend" . We' ll call her " friend"  Ann. Ann has been to a rehad before for drug use. When Ann isn' t working, her mom is stupid enough to support her. My sister (we' ll call her Jess) wanted to live the same life- no responsibilities. So Jess has had 4 jobs since Jan last year (the longest lasting 4/5 months and the shortest lasting 2 weeks). She was unemployed for most of last year, living under my mothers roof, not contributing, STEALING from everyone from my younger sister to my grandmother and partying up a storm- just like Ann.

No one really knows where Jess is these days- she only calls me when she wants something. My younger sister and I had to sort of break into Anns flat to get OUR things back- DVD' s, clothes, CD' s, my boyfriends phone which he lent to Jess and they stripped it (their door wasn' t locked- it wasn' t even CLOSED but they threaten to call the cops). Jess has been suspended from her newest job because she didn' t pitch at all last week. Jess keeps lying to me to get what she wants (I never give her money anymore- she owes me over R1000). She has my moms motorola worth over R2000, her brand new phone that she got on a contract under my name conveniently got stolen out of Anns room (just after they became friends)... The list goes on and on and on.

The thing is, Jess cannot see how Ann is ruining her life. Jess was prepared to go JAIL for her! She thinks we are so judgemental and stupid and ' we don' t know'  and ' we don' t understand'  bla bla bla. I haven' t enjoyed Jess' s company for a year and yesterday my younger sisters boyfriend wanted to talk to Jess (because she has his playstation) and afterwards I heard Ann, Jess and all their friends outside and I was scared they' d do something to my car so I went outside and I saw Jess standing there and she wanted to talk to me then she started about how we don' t know Ann, etc and I asked her why must our Dad give R500 for Anns rent (Jess lied and told my Dad it was her share of the rent when the landlord told us Jess is only there a couple of times a week) when Ann sleeps until 10/11 am and all of a sudden Ann walks out and very smugly says, " I sleep until that time because it' s beauty sleep- you should try it sometime, it' ll do you good" . And instead of being annoyed that Ann is eavesdropping and insulting me infront of their friends, Jess literally PUSHED me away when I got confrontational. Then when I left, Ann called me a coward and Jess still never did anything. My looks is a very sore spot for me (It took a long time for me to grow into my looks) and Jess knows it but she got angry at me when I retaliated. Why? How can she do that? Can' t she see how Ann is ruining her life and her relationships? Anns own MOTHER told Jess to stop being friends with her because she' ll drag Jess down with her.

I am extremely upset and stress out because as I said, I was VERY close to Jess and right now I just want to write her off but I worry about her (Ann has written off 2 cars in recent months) and also I feel that Jess is working to support both of them so Ann can relax (it' s not the first time- Jess has done Anns work at home in the early mornings so no one would catch her before, she even used to sneak money and food to her) and she' s losing weight and her teeth are starting to rot but thanks to Ann, we her family are the spawns of satan.

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Our expert says:
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You have to face the fact that your sister is a drug addict, who seems to have not the remotest intention of stopping that useless line of existence at present, and she is a liar and a thief, who will betray and steal from ANYONE to support her habit. Neither you nor anyone in the family should give her any money nor any stuff she can turn into money, and not ever allow her entry to your homes or offices, except perhaps when very closely supervised. And you tell her that because she has stolen so much, you cannot tolerate a predator in your midst.
That, at least, puts an end to her long list or predations.
Stop getting involved in the life of her or her slimy friend --- doing so is damaging to you, and ultimately damaging to her. I think the feeble excuse that other people are being "judgemental" ( apparently, in the eyes of enthusiastic sinners, a far worse sin than theft, cheating, or any other ways of hurting other people ) should be treated with the utter contempt it deserves. IF you do things that harm or hurt other people you SHOULD be judged and WILL be, and you are not better off for not being told how much people despise your choice of actions.
She doesn't deserve to be "understood" ( by which she means excused for her way of life ) --- she needs to become understandable.
Why are you all so busy supporting her bad habits ? Why on earth would the lad lend her a playstaion ? Is he nuts ? She doesn't need to play, she needs to work, and will only see a playstation in terms of what she can sell it for and how much booze and drugs that will buy her.
Why are any of you having conversations with smug Jess and smugger Ann ? If she can have so much beauty sleep, and remain such a profoundly ugly person, clearly something is not working. Why do you all keep getting into conversations and emotional entanglements with these people ? And if Ann an Jess have "all these friends" --- let those friends take care of them.
And tell your father that it is most absolutely definitely NOT his fault that Jess chooses to pickle herself in alcohol --- his moving out did NOT cause that --- and he moved out on all of you, and only Jess has chosen to become alcholic. You ask "how can we stop this" -- in terms of Jess's choices to live in this way YOU cannot stop it --- only she can, and the more you help her to get buy as a thief and addict, the longer it will take for her to want to stop this.
Tell your sister than you'll be pleased to see her if and when she has cleaned up her act, and until then she should not bother you. Do not blame yourself for any further trouble she chooses to get herself into.
Jess is an adult, and allowed to be stupid and make foolish decisions --- you canot unmake those for her.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Abegail | 2009-04-13

I would just like to add that whenever I see Jess she stinks of alcohol and my father is thinking that in some way it may be his fault as he moved out when I was 10 an Jess was 12, however it' s not like he was never there for us and this all started when she met Ann. How can we stop this?

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