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Question
Posted by: Stephanie | 2010/10/15

Drug addict brother

My brother''s been a drug addict for aproximately 2 years now. We found out and he went for counselling at SADAG as well as regular blood tests. He started up again and yesterday admitted it. He doesn''t see himself as " hooked" . He thinks that if he focus he can just stop it.
I''ve now contacted a drug rehab clinic to see if he can get help asap. He can only get leave from work in December, so he''ll be atmitted then,
This is hard on our family. He''s very upset and feel that we''re over reacting. But I know that this isn''t something to play with. He needs help asap.
Why do I feel bad then? He says he won''t be able to trust me with a sectret ever again. But this secret could cause his death!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

A very highly significant part of the problem in alcohol and drug abuse is the extent to which the individual manages to convince himself / herself that they are NOT dependent or abusing, and to avoid taking proper personal responsibility for their actions and for the reactions these cause. HE should be the one contacting rehab programmes and making the arrangements.
Sounds like he's also exercising a skill common in people in such situaions, of projecting guilt ( which he ought to be feeling, himself ) onto others like yourself. Don't accept the invitation to feel guilty. And read up about Enabling, which may be part of what you have been doing.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: two-stone | 2010/10/19

Stephanie, Momof3 is 100% right. My daughter is a Heroin addict and you must follow Momo''s advice, PLEASE. Do it NOW!! It is a terrible situation - maybe even worse than death for the family as it carries on for years. I am praying for your brother and your family. Good luck and BE STRONG, for all of you.

Reply to two-stone
Posted by: Momof3 | 2010/10/17

Hi Stephanie

I have a son who was addicted to heroin in 2004. he was 17 at the time. We found out from one of his friends who asked for help to try to stop. We took him to rehab. We spoke to him about it 1st and gave him a choice, either leave home or go to rehab. He choice rehab. He has not touched any drug since 2004 and is now 6yrs clean, i am proud to say but it is an up hill battle.

Don t give up on your brother.You are doing a wonderful thing buy getting him into rehab. Think of down the line ,one day when he is clean. Some addicts cant see they need help &  wont phone rehab themselves unless you can taking him into phoning himself and show him how desperately he needs rehab and what he has already done to the family and to you. Show him what he has done and how upset he makes you when he uses. He needs to see that as part of his wake up call.

I dont beleive you should wait till he is on leave in Dec . He should Go Now. the longer you wait the worse it gets. As you have seen he is struggling to stop so I think it might be one of the harder drugs like cocaine or heroin. Both take at least 2yrs to get out of the system when they stop and they can have cravings for it for the rest of their lives. Things like music , places etc can trigger memories. When he is in rehab, dont fall for stories, oh, they are mistreating me, i want to come home etc.-they can manipulate you to get what they want ,which is the next hit. he is Sick &  need Help Now !! he could be dead in Dec.

For you>  i would recommend a support group ,Tough Love really helped me. If you are in the Cape Town area. I know a guy that takes people to rehab for you.-he is a kind, caring person but has dealt with drug addicts for many years so knows all the ins &  outs.

Please dont wait send him today , if you can. Work can wait.
I recommend he stay in rehab for a minimum of 2yrs as they do relapse as you have seen already. The most important thing, is when they come home. the money they have needs to be controlled.You go buy things for him until he has proven to you he can be trusted with money. Medications, cough syrup , things like that have Codine in them which can trigger a relapse. Ask your pharmacist about meds -tell him your brother is a drug addict and they will help you choose meds for , common colds, upset tummy etc. that wont trigger a relapse.

Let him integrate slowly back into the real world after being in rehab as they are isolated there and when they come back home, the Noise of the City or shopping malls can be very overwhelming .they need at least 6months to adjust. The Real work starts when they come home. All the best, i wish I can give you the name of the person &  telephone number to help you.

Reply to Momof3
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/16

A very highly significant part of the problem in alcohol and drug abuse is the extent to which the individual manages to convince himself / herself that they are NOT dependent or abusing, and to avoid taking proper personal responsibility for their actions and for the reactions these cause. HE should be the one contacting rehab programmes and making the arrangements.
Sounds like he's also exercising a skill common in people in such situaions, of projecting guilt ( which he ought to be feeling, himself ) onto others like yourself. Don't accept the invitation to feel guilty. And read up about Enabling, which may be part of what you have been doing.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cuddlepuddle | 2010/10/15

so what drugs is he using?

Reply to cuddlepuddle
Posted by: lizard | 2010/10/15

for example: peadophiles say to their victims " keep it a secret" 

do you get my point, some secrets have to come out into the light

Reply to lizard
Posted by: lizard | 2010/10/15

dont listen to him, he is in trouble and because you love him, you are trying to help him, but I''m warning you, the emotional abuse and blackmail and lies gets worse and worse over time, this has broken many a person and family down to shreds , I hope you are up for this fight, this is just the beginning...

Reply to lizard

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