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Question
Posted by: Gerhard | 2010/01/22

Drama Queen

If you are in a relationship(not married) with a Drama Queen- how do you handle (live with) that person- or is it better to just walk-out???
I have tried to understand but I am getting frustrated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Presumably you did not CHOOSE to be in a relationship with a Drama Queen, but discovered her drama quennness after it had begun ? Either you enjoy all thehigh drama, neediness, wild exaggerations and acting out, in which case - stay there and the best of luck ! OR you find it increasingly unbearable, and need to leave. There is no way to leave a DQ without her creating high drama about it. You can at best try to be gentle but firm ( the more she feels you're open to manipulation, the harder whe will manipulate ), and just go and stay gone.
I strongly agree with Nia that there were really good reasons for the older patterns in every culture known to man but ours, of a long courtship period before getting into living together, intimacy and committments one would soon regret. ALWAYS get to know someone really well before getting into a formal relationship with them. LKING must come before love or lust,l or the whole thing ends in tears
And, as Nia says, do NOT expect her to improve after marriage - the behaviour petterns will only get even more entrenched.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Alice | 2010/01/23

Are you financially dependant on each other? If not, then Drama Queen or yourself can just move out (whoever signed the lease must stay). If you are, then when your lease comes to an end consider moving in with friends or your parents. I gather that you do love her but make it clear that someone must move out/ once the lease is over you guys are going to part ways. You never know- the fear of you leaving may prompt her to change.

Reply to Alice
Posted by: Gerhard | 2010/01/22

Thank you all for the direct and clear advice!!!!.
Now I have to get away out- as we are living together!!!???

Reply to Gerhard
Posted by: Woman | 2010/01/22

Brilliant advice Nia!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Nia | 2010/01/22

That is exactly the purpose of dating before gettig married. To get to know the person and decide if you like the person, can get along with the person and understand the person BEFORE you get married. If you cannot understand / tolerate / accept the person' s characteristics for the rest of your life, then you SHOULD walk out BEFORE you get married. That is why you are dating in the first place.

And don' t EVER think she will change after marriage - in fact she will be even worse as time goes by. You have to decide if you can live with an even worse variation of her for the rest of your life. Do you love her enough to tolerate that for ever?

As my friend asked his wife the other day after a fight about him doing things she did not like ... Why did you marry me if you dont even like me ... ?

Reply to Nia
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/22

Presumably you did not CHOOSE to be in a relationship with a Drama Queen, but discovered her drama quennness after it had begun ? Either you enjoy all thehigh drama, neediness, wild exaggerations and acting out, in which case - stay there and the best of luck ! OR you find it increasingly unbearable, and need to leave. There is no way to leave a DQ without her creating high drama about it. You can at best try to be gentle but firm ( the more she feels you're open to manipulation, the harder whe will manipulate ), and just go and stay gone.
I strongly agree with Nia that there were really good reasons for the older patterns in every culture known to man but ours, of a long courtship period before getting into living together, intimacy and committments one would soon regret. ALWAYS get to know someone really well before getting into a formal relationship with them. LKING must come before love or lust,l or the whole thing ends in tears
And, as Nia says, do NOT expect her to improve after marriage - the behaviour petterns will only get even more entrenched.

Reply to cybershrink

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