Our expert says:
I suppose the middle of nowhere is a bit better than some of the somewhere's one could be.
A realistic counsellor / therapist coul help deal with this. For instance, I gather you have a sort of list of things you think might cause a down or an up. Some might be worth avoiding, anyway. But some might be important parts of life. In consultation with the psych helping to manage your medication, you could carefully test these theories - try them, in moderation, separately, and see if they start to have the mood impact you fear. If they do, more than transiently, maybe they're worth planning to avoid more substantially. If they don't, then they can be aded to the longer list of things you can do without fear.
A counsellor could also generally help you to be less fearful, and more confident of being able to cope if things did start to tip the wrong way.
Remember that Bipolar Disorder is a biochemical disorder, and most of the mood swings are not particularly related to things you do ( other than not usin your meds wisely, or using street drugs or abusing alcohol, perhaps ).
One of the problems with the disorder is that it tends to undermine your self-confidence, and to blame yourself hopelessly for things that are not actually your full responsibility.
THe situation reminds me of early research that showed that pigeons can become superstitious. If something nasty happens to them while they happen to be drinking from the left side of their water bowl, for instance, especially if this by chance occurs twice, they will avoid drinking from that side of the bowl - and of course, as they avoid doing so, most of the time nothing bad happens ( nor would it have happened, anyway ) - but now they feel that their avoiding that side has CAUSED the bad episodes. And if something else bad happens, at random, instead of seing this as probably proof that their earlier theory was wrong, they will cling to the former theory, and now add something new to their list of actions to avoid. They can end up severely limited by actions they're avoiding - and yet, as with all of us, occasionally, bad things will happen anyway !
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