Our expert says:
With such a young child, explanations may not be what is needed, unless they are accompanied by a very clear set of rules of what behavior is and is not acceptable, and clear consequences for behaving well of badly. Not to bully other kids is a rule, and breaking it doesn't need explanations or discussion, but consequences - he loses something he likes - no TV for a day, no special treats, whatever. Mere wheedling words dont help at all. Of course he didn't listen - kids are smarter than most parents think, and they know when the words are meaningless. No ice-cream means something.
he sounds like a thoroughly spoiled brat, who has been carefuly trained to expect to always get his own way.
Sounds like your parents have no idea how to discipline him, and as a result didn't teach your sister about discipline either ( some of us seem naturally, perhaps like you did, do get the idea of it ).
His tantrums are apparently always rewarded. When he starts screaming, i possible, he should be placed in his room or a bathroom, and left alone, being told that his screaming is unacceptable and he will be ignored and left alone till he has been quiet for 5 minutes .
Hitting other kids in the face, or pushing them into a swimming pool is DANGEROUS and totally unacceptable, and any adult who allows that to go unpunished is irresponsible to a very high extent.
Your mother is naive. Of course this brat is out of control and saying that his mother was just as badly behaved is no excuse. Have you asked her whether she has taken first aid classes so she can try to save your child the next time the little monster hits him or tries to drown him ?
Your parents may not be fit adults to care for any children. Taking things away from your child to reward the squawking little beast is training him to be more and more horrible. When he grows up to be a bank robber, they should be charged as accomplices !
Congratulations to you and your husband for finally putting your feet down and refusing to accept he misconduct of your parents and sister - what they are doing amounts to abuse and neglect of both children.
personally, I would refuse to go away with the family at all, and explain clearly that you won't tolerate your child being punished for the selfish and greedy behaviour of the other child, nor endangered by his aggressiveness, and that it is no sort of holiday or pleasure to be anywhere around the brat.
It will be impossible for the brat to be helped without the involvement of a child psychologist and the ACTIVE and sincere involvement of the mother and your parents, as they are the cause of the chil's bad behaviour, and until they change, consistently, he won't change.
Stand firm, for the sake of your child, and congratulations on being sensible parents. If your parents want to encourage him to grow into a thug, and to applaud your sister for doing the same, let them do it alone. Maybe you can meet them at times on an adults only basis.
Be firm and clear about how no other families or adults would tolerate how the brat behaves or how they encourage him to do so, and that you look foward tio establishing normal family relations once they have received proper professional help and changed him back into a normal child.
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