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Question
Posted by: free | 2011/10/12

dont need or want a relationship

Is it possible for a person not to be relationship material? I dont work well in a relationship as I have had so many boyfriends and none of them have worked out. I just become miserable and ''lose'' my personality. When I am single, I am happy and carefree. I suppose I am like a free spirit who doesnt want to be tied down to anything or anyone. I am almost 40 - is this wrong? Everyone says I need someone in my life for companionship, etc but I never feel lonely. I like my own space and time and if I want companionship, I seek it. Just need clarity on this matter.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes. Relationships are usually desirable ( leaving aside the many varieties of harmful and undesirable relationships ) relationships are not compulsory. Some of us are loners, both contented larhely in our own company, and not really enjoying the usual social life.
That said, though, seeing a counsellor might be really useful to help you sort out what is and isn't happening. maybe you['ve had unfortunate relationships and feel like giving up, not because you don' need ot really want one, but because you fear you'll just not find a happy one. Clarfy what sort of personality you think you have, if it can be "lost" in relating to someone else. That doesn't sound inevitable.
As you grow older, you may evaluate things a bit diferently, when perhaps you become more needy of both companionship and a bit of aid and assistance now and then !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2011/10/13

Ty  you might be right.

free  I''m like you. I just love being single  almost 40 too. Easy to get company whne you feal like it  easy to get anything else if you feel like it.
Having a relationship is like na ancker to me! Almost like an hassle  when I''m alone and doing what I want when I want makes me happy.
Trust me  I haven''t always been like this. There was a time that I wanted and needed someone. Once I learned to be happy on my own  my life changed for the better. Guess having ones bread buttered on both sides is addictive. And maybe a little abnormal. Life is just too short to worry about it  everyone for themselves  and what makes YOU happy.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Ty | 2011/10/13

I personly just think you have not met the right person

Reply to Ty
Posted by: Realist | 2011/10/12

I see where you are coming from and good for you. As CS rightly says, there are times in ones life where you need a loving caring person at your side. What springs immediately to mind is pre and post a serious operation firstly for someone to share your fears and anxiety and secondly when you are back home. Professional caregivers just don''t provide the same care.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/12

Yes. Relationships are usually desirable ( leaving aside the many varieties of harmful and undesirable relationships ) relationships are not compulsory. Some of us are loners, both contented larhely in our own company, and not really enjoying the usual social life.
That said, though, seeing a counsellor might be really useful to help you sort out what is and isn't happening. maybe you['ve had unfortunate relationships and feel like giving up, not because you don' need ot really want one, but because you fear you'll just not find a happy one. Clarfy what sort of personality you think you have, if it can be "lost" in relating to someone else. That doesn't sound inevitable.
As you grow older, you may evaluate things a bit diferently, when perhaps you become more needy of both companionship and a bit of aid and assistance now and then !

Reply to cybershrink

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