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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2012/01/24

Dont know where to?

I''ve been with my fiancee for over 8 years,engaged for 2 and planning the wedding(which is in 7 months)? Recently I''ve been having doubt about whether or not he truly is the one I would like to spend the rest of my life with but have failed to face these fears. We have a good relationship and he is a good man but has hurt me deeply in the past( reacurring instances of smsing,photos and Facebook fings with other women). I fear that I might be settling and not living my life to the full extend as I have reached a comfort zone-these same conclusions were recently also brought to me by people near to my heart and this has now become my worries. Am I as people getting cold feet or are these issues that I obviously havent faced, do you think that I''m too scared to start over on my own?Please help....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm sure such a question occurs to all sensible people on their approach to a wedding ; it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with the relationship, but maybe some counselling to help one clarify one's expectations would be helpful Maybe, in view of what you say about previous behaviours, some joint sessions if couples counselling would be adviseable.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/01/24

You say if you delay the wedding he will be a bit upset............

A man who is fully comitted to u should be devastated..........

A man who has liasion with your best friends mother is not really marriage material!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Myself | 2012/01/24

Lol just Myself sharing some thought provoking truths. Be good and all the best.

Reply to Myself
Posted by: Confused | 2012/01/24

Wow, talk about eye opening. You should consider writing motivational books. Thanks for the advice, good to no strangers still care!

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Myself | 2012/01/24

Wow Confused, I know many might disagree with me, but hey end of the day the decision lies with you.

Dont undermine what you are feeling about the whole thing. It is unfortunate we are living in the world that is more concerned about what others will think. We are powerful beings and the messages are communicated to us in various ways(your feelings). From what I read, your feelings are geuine and they are validated by what you had to deal with in the relationship.

Examine what you are feeling and be courages to confront the reality. Many couples that ended in divorce will tell you that the red flags were there(what you are feeling now, calls from strangers during the akward hours), but as you know they look pink since one is in love.

Let go of people and everybody''s expectations. This is about, you for once go the so called selfish-route. Avoid double standards, meaning be kind to self and loving.

All the best and do what is right for you.

Reply to Myself
Posted by: Confused | 2012/01/24

Thanks, that''s what I thought but I think he might be a bit upset with that decision. I also dont want to get stuck in a relationship that''s heading nowhere....

Reply to Confused
Posted by: A | 2012/01/24

Maybe it will be a good thing to get married later in your life an not this year. I think you''ve got a lot of unresolved feelings.

Reply to A
Posted by: Confused | 2012/01/24

We have gone for counselling and things seemed good but I''m still unsure as to how long it will stay this way as it''s become somewhat of a yearly cycle-one of them was my best friends mother and it nearly ruined our friendship... Am I not being selfish for thinking I deserve better, I said that I forgave him and we could move forward but I''m struggling-is it wrong to go back on my decision?

Reply to Confused
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/24

I'm sure such a question occurs to all sensible people on their approach to a wedding ; it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with the relationship, but maybe some counselling to help one clarify one's expectations would be helpful Maybe, in view of what you say about previous behaviours, some joint sessions if couples counselling would be adviseable.

Reply to cybershrink

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