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Question
Posted by: help | 2012/01/13

dont know what to do

Im a 28 year old male and I cannot cope with my problem. My problem infects my life from all angles. Work, family, friends, wellbeing, studying, general enjoyment of life.
At 28 I have drifted from job to job and studied diplomas and never used the things I have studied. I have no self-confidence and I know that the only thing I can change in this world is me. Its like the crowded house song ë verywhere you go, always take the weather with you" . I know this is true, I fantasize about living somewhere where I dont have to compete or have nothing out in a big forest with a waterfall and all the plants I need to survive. Others are pushing hard in their careers and building relationships and I cant seem to. I remember in nursery school not being able to ever feel comfortable on my own and I was th only kid in grade 1 that cried his eyes out for a few days when left at school. I could hardly make friends at school and I remember feeling awkward and uncomfortable in social situations. Perhaps my fault because I could never really get that close to people. I remember I had one particular friend that I got close to and him and the whole group of friends from school ran away from me when I would walk up to them. This was devastating to me as a kid in school. Its so important for any kid to hasve acknowledgement and recognition, friends as a child. Listen to me Ive read so much on psychology to try and learn about the disorders and understand who I am why I suffer so much and what I can do about. Well the books teach you nothing! They diagnose a condition and provide no answers to anything. Sure it creates an easier field for a practitioner to work in but how do you treat your patients? You place us all into little boxes and you even had homosexuality disorder in the DSM 3 manual then it was taken out from all the criticism. I think sometimes that its all a bunch of garbage! I believe it can be helpful to understand human beings but you treat people like they are rats. I cant understand how you charge such ridiculous amounts for your sessions if your a psychologist. R620 for an hour! Have you ever thought that the person on the other side who actuallyneeds the help doesnt want to be screwed over as well? When did asking someone for advice or help have to have such a high price? I understand you study for 5-6 years or even more but there is just one problem. Is healthcare only for the elite? If we look at social psychology and conformity, methods of persuasion, we see that people are more likely to commit and conform to authority. Or to some one who shows credibility like the certificates doctors splay all over their walls. I will give you an example: look at muscle supplements and crap at dischem! There were never that many supplements, minerals, vitamins, disorders and crap that doctors and the media have helped to create. Theres another one social proof, if the Joneses have put their kid on ritalin maybe it isnt such a bad thing. When did wearing a white coat inspire trust? I really cant stand some of the crap that doctors do. However I suppose its ridiculous that Im writing on this asking for your help then. However I have written to you before and you did put in a lot of effort and care. Perhaps your emotions inside are that you need to defend your profession. My mother passed away from cancer and the medication misdiagnoses and medication that were poorly recommended made her even more ill. Did it help? No. Did it fill their wallets and did my mother trust them without even knowing them? Yes. Are the drug companies making millions? Yes. Did she feel worse off from the chemo? Yes. So ive totally gone off my original topic but at least I got some old hairs off my chest? haha. I thinkt thats this website though. So thanks for listening to me. haha. Thanks for the opportunity. By writing this it means that Im eager to hear what you have to say and acknowledge you. Cant be so bad can it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Excellent response from Liza !
CBT psychotherapy sounds like exactly what you would most benefit from, and is good at dealing with issues of self-confidence and breaking the bad habit of negative assumptions ; motivational issues, lack of self-confidence, and so on.
It would work by helping you learn methods through which to find YOUR OWN best answers, rather than taking someone else's second-hand answers.
One of its advantages is that it is practical, has you evaluate its usefulness as you go along, and doesn't last forever like the wishy-washy types of "therapy ) do.
Yes, the cost of an hour's therapy is high - but have you hired a plumber or electrician, or other artisan recently ? I have had to pay far more than you mention for less than ann hour of a plumber who only increased the problem and left a mess.
Shrinks need to make a living, too, and nobody gives them a discount on rent, electricity or other costs, let alone the costs of living that afflict us all. And no discounts on the high cost or 10 or more years of training or the high costs of keeping up to date. I'm not trying to defend the profession ( I've seen more than enough grotesque and revolting specimens within it !) but to explain it.
I understand your bitterness that it doesn't feel as though your mom was helped appropriately. Having lost my own most excellent mother, though it was inevitable, but with sad bungling by a hospice and a cocky doctor at the very end, I do understand.
Do drug companies make millions ? Surely ( otherwise they dopn't last long !) And I think some of the worst rip-offs are not in the fancy new drugs where the costs of development, testing and registration are huge, but in areas we often overlook - the high costs of vitamins, for instance, are ridiculous and unjustifiable.
I think CBT, uf you can find someone who provides it with the right expertise, might suit you, as it encourages a critical approach to yourself, the method, and anything else that troubles you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/14

Excellent response from Liza !
CBT psychotherapy sounds like exactly what you would most benefit from, and is good at dealing with issues of self-confidence and breaking the bad habit of negative assumptions ; motivational issues, lack of self-confidence, and so on.
It would work by helping you learn methods through which to find YOUR OWN best answers, rather than taking someone else's second-hand answers.
One of its advantages is that it is practical, has you evaluate its usefulness as you go along, and doesn't last forever like the wishy-washy types of "therapy ) do.
Yes, the cost of an hour's therapy is high - but have you hired a plumber or electrician, or other artisan recently ? I have had to pay far more than you mention for less than ann hour of a plumber who only increased the problem and left a mess.
Shrinks need to make a living, too, and nobody gives them a discount on rent, electricity or other costs, let alone the costs of living that afflict us all. And no discounts on the high cost or 10 or more years of training or the high costs of keeping up to date. I'm not trying to defend the profession ( I've seen more than enough grotesque and revolting specimens within it !) but to explain it.
I understand your bitterness that it doesn't feel as though your mom was helped appropriately. Having lost my own most excellent mother, though it was inevitable, but with sad bungling by a hospice and a cocky doctor at the very end, I do understand.
Do drug companies make millions ? Surely ( otherwise they dopn't last long !) And I think some of the worst rip-offs are not in the fancy new drugs where the costs of development, testing and registration are huge, but in areas we often overlook - the high costs of vitamins, for instance, are ridiculous and unjustifiable.
I think CBT, uf you can find someone who provides it with the right expertise, might suit you, as it encourages a critical approach to yourself, the method, and anything else that troubles you.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Liza | 2012/01/13

Perhaps it''s a good idea to try CBT-style counseling. It doesn''t fill the pockets of any pharmaceutical company and it isn''t useless like laying back and rehashing your troubled past while someone sits in a chair making notes with an occasional " Hmmm" .

Negative thoughts tend to be habit-forming. And once you have the habit of thinking negatively all the time, it takes all the joy out of life. CBT helps to change negative thinking habits into positive and constructive thinking habits. And the best of all - no side effects. CBT doesn''t involve being put into a specific box to classify what is wrong with you. CBT is also not a life-long experience. You don''t need to see the therapist every week for months to show improvement. Once you''ve mastered the techniques and practice them often, it''s hardly ever necessary to see a psychologist again. So your medical bills don''t turn into a black hole...

Just my 2c.
Liza

PS. I''m bipolar. Since I did CBT, my medication has gone from 10 pills a day to a very conservative 2 pills a day currently. It has had a truly massive positive effect on my life and everyone, from my family to my boss and work colleagues, have noticed the difference.

Reply to Liza

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