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Question
Posted by: Bee Sting | 2012/08/22

Donor egg / no kids - advise, please everyone

Hi there everyone,

We (husband and me) are at a crossroad: donor egg or make peace with the fact that we will never have kids.

I know this is a VERY personal decision, and only we can make that decision, but if I could just have some opinions, pretty please.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is indeed a very personal decision, as you reveal and confirm in your responses to the comments of other readers. Whereas adoption is low-cost, donors and similar methods can be extremely expensive, and not everyone can afford that. The reasons for this regree of infertility can be relevant. I think some counselling sessions with a counsellor / psychologist with experience in this field ( any competent fertility expert should be able to recommend some ) could be helpful in clarifying the way you and your husband think and feel about the situation and the various alternatives you face.

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13
Our users say:
Posted by: Bee Sting | 2012/08/22

@ Al &  Peas

Thank you very much, ladies. I feel positive again.

Reply to Bee Sting
Posted by: Peas | 2012/08/22

Hi Bee Sting,

Thanks for being happy for me. I am sorry you found out you were not pregnant, it does seem like someone died. But the Bible teaches us to believe and have faith. You in your mind have to already believe that you are pregnant. I secretly bought babies clothes as I knew one day it was going to happen.

I will pray for you and Al. Ask and you WILL receive!

Bye.

Reply to Peas
Posted by: al | 2012/08/22

My hubby''s sperm are dead. And with treatment, no hope. We are going to use a sperm donor. And this was a struggle for months...but i know. I really want a child. And with his 100% support this is possible.

Reply to al
Posted by: Bee Sting | 2012/08/22

@ Peas

That is amazing!!!!! A second child " nogal"  after you were told that you can''t have a child.

The blood tests confirmed my " condition"  and also how I responded to IVF, so donor will probably be my only hope of having a child.

@ Al

Good luck with your treatment.

I agree with your mom. And I also think that we will regret if we didn''t one day if we are old and gray and then it is too late.

If, I may ask... why are you going for donor?

Yes, I am very religious and you are right! never thought about it in that way: Jesus was indeed a donor baby.

Thank you ladies for making up my mind for me. Donor, here we come....

Reply to Bee Sting
Posted by: Peas | 2012/08/22

Hi Bee Sting,

I was also told I was going into early menopause by the GP, when in actual fact I was pregnant but in my fallopian tube. So that burst and I struggled since then. I changed doctors, went to a gynae, did two IVFs and artificial insemination and fertility tablets, but nothing worked. Then we gave up, also questioned God, but carried on with life and with praying, then it happened. We waited for 2.5 years and then our second child was born.

I think you should get a second opinion before you make up your mind, unless you are satisfied with your doctor. If you can carry a child, I think you should as it is such an amazing experience, you learn more about your body and why God gave you certain body parts!

Hope my 2 cents helps!

Reply to Peas
Posted by: al | 2012/08/22

We are going to do the donor thing in September. Like my mother told me...you will never know if you never had tried everything. And you will never be satisfied if you stop now. My baby will be born out of my husbands heart. If the Ivf dont work with the donor, then somehow i will make peace. Go for it. If you are religious....Jesus was a " donor"  baby.

Reply to al
Posted by: Bee Sting | 2012/08/22

@ Peas

Firstly, I just want to say that I am very-very-very-very happy to hear that you fell pregnant after waiting so long.
I don''t think that anyone really understands the journey, if they haven''t struggled to fall pregnant.
It is a loss... like somebody died. And then you have the " religion"  questions... does God even care? etc etc
I am always so happy when someone falls pregnant after struggling - it must be the best news ever :) Do you only have the one kiddie?

If I may ask... what was wrong with you?

Wow! 7 years?? you see... this is what I thought and this is also a reason why we don''t want to adopt - it is too long to wait.

I am 34 and I have deminished ovarian reserve - basically... I am going into menopause earlier than the average woman.
I can carry a child, hopefully, but my eggs are of a bad quality - the ones I have left.
We went for IVF last month and out of 7 eggs, only one fertilised and made it to a 3 day embryo. It was implanted, and it didn''t make it, as I was told on Sat that I am not pregnant.

The doctor basically told us that donor egg would be a good idea.

So, we are at a crossroad at the moment.....

Reply to Bee Sting
Posted by: Peas | 2012/08/22

Hi Bee Sting,

Do you know why you cannot have kids? I struggled for 7 years and eventually fell pregnant. We also considered adoption and then found out we were pregnant. What about a surrogate mother? Is finance an issue? How old are you? When I started to apply for adoption I was 35 and was told we would have to wait 7-8 years...

Reply to Peas
Posted by: Bee Sting | 2012/08/22

Hubby doesn''t want to adopt, he feels that with a donor egg it will still be a part of us. His DNA and I will carry and give birth to the child.

Maybe adoption if we want a second child, but it is not an option at this stage.

Reply to Bee Sting
Posted by: Nini | 2012/08/22


Based on your circumstances I would suggest you try a Donor Egg first. I know your journey Bee Sting so I know where you''ve started and where you are now. I also think adoption is a GREAT choice too!

How does your husband feel about a Donor?

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Maria | 2012/08/22

I agree with Leez, consider adoption. But go for counselling as well to help you clarify in your own mind what you really want to do.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Leez | 2012/08/22

Adoption? It''s an option, many kids in need of good homes...

Reply to Leez
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/22

This is indeed a very personal decision, as you reveal and confirm in your responses to the comments of other readers. Whereas adoption is low-cost, donors and similar methods can be extremely expensive, and not everyone can afford that. The reasons for this regree of infertility can be relevant. I think some counselling sessions with a counsellor / psychologist with experience in this field ( any competent fertility expert should be able to recommend some ) could be helpful in clarifying the way you and your husband think and feel about the situation and the various alternatives you face.

Reply to cybershrink

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