Posted by: Ayanda | 2009-08-24

Don' t understand partner

I' m inlove with my boyfriend of 3 years. We' ve been staying together for the past 2 years and have a 1 year old baby girl. He is quiet person and sometimes he seems like he is bored or doesn' t want to be here. I know he wasn' t brought to me on a silver platter i chose him out of thousands and i don' t regret that one bit. The issue is that he is so quiet sometimes that it' s boring. If he' s watching tv, he is watchinh tv. He can watch tv the whole day and not speak to you unless spoken to. He won' t even pick a piece of paper on the floor. If you try to talk to him he' ll just answer you and keep quiet. It' s so frustrating to stay with sometimes who doesn' t talk because you don' t know what he is thinking,how he feels. Sometimes he will come back from work, stayd in our room and not eat supper and if you ask him " everything is fine, i' m fine" . You can' t really know a person but as times goes by you tend to know other things and you tend to be more open but with us it' s a different story. i would like to talk to him about everything but with him you have to check his mood first, is he in a talking mood today or the same. I really want to be able to communicate with him but I can' t. Maybe he feels the same about me i don' t know. I want us to be happy everyday, to laugh everyday, to be free of stresses (even though stresses are always there).

It feels like there is tension between us, we are not free. I don' t know i just don' t know. Even when his family and my family visits i' m sure they can figure out that there' s tension. We don' t seem to agree about things. Sometimes it' s like we don' t want to be in the same room with each other. Please help

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Our expert says:
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Is i possible that you are perhaps taking more responsibility for his moods than you deserve ? Sometimes any of us may feel down, without it being actually the fault of anyone else, or based on any dislike of the situation we are in. What you see may be his basic personality, or he may be worrying about stuff at work, or other things not involving you. However, it is fair to ask him to reveal to you what, if anything, is bothering him. Is it at all posible to persuade him to join you for a couple of sessions of rlationship counselling ?

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