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Question
Posted by: Maggie | 2009-07-06

Don' t trust my husband

I' m in my early 40' s and goodlooking. My husband left me 6 years ago for another woman. I got married again to a ... so I thought ... wonderful guy. I caught him on many occasions watching porn and chatting to women online. I almost left him, but after lots of tears and promises, I decided to stay. But I don' t trust him at all since then. I' m always suspicious and jealous. He' s going overseas for 10 days in a month' s time for business and I' m busy loosing my mind already ... wondering what he will be up to. How can I cope with this ... please Doc?

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Our expert says:
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If you'll check the archives of this forum, you'll find I've discussed the porn issue so many times. Porn viewing as such need not mean anything bad about a relationship, so long as it supplements rather than substitutes for the real-life relationship with you. Chatting to other people online is more worrying, but rarely goes further into real-life --- it's like a dog chasing a car --- he enjoys the chase, but hardly knows what to do with a car if it stops.
But again Liza is right --- marriage counselling would be a wise investment for the pair of you when he gets back ( foreign business travel is so expensive that, especially with jet-lag, he's unlikely to manage anything sinister ) and maybe start some indiidual counselling sessions for yourself in the meantime, to work on your self-esteem and self-confidence.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maggie | 2009-07-06

Thanks Doc, thanks Liza! Counceling will be difficult ... we' re living in a small town in the " Platteland" . I get so angry about what my husband did ... I' m goodlooking, wonderful partner to him ... we have such wonderful times .... but this stuff is haunting me ... more so because my first husband left me ... I had such a wonderful self-confidence before. Can' t understand why the hell he' s doing this to me. Oh well ... I guess I will never know what happened overseas ... at one stage I thought about going with him, but ... to pay R20 000 just to go and spy on your husband ... no ways! I' m still having my pride! I just don' t know if I will ever trust him again and that makes me sooooooooo angry ... I don' t want to live my whole life spying and wondering ....

Reply to Maggie
Posted by: Liza | 2009-07-06

You' re going to need to sort out the trust issues for your marriage to work. The best way is through couples counseling and perhaps some alone counseling for you as well to work on your insecurities.

Your husband also needs to understand and support you, proving that he has changed and is trustworthy.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza

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