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Question
Posted by: Flower | 2009-11-11

Does this mean i need help?

I' ve recently broken up with my boyfriend and father of my child, we' ve been together for almost 7 years but had a 1year break up last year where he was seeing this woman. they broke up twice and only on the second break up we talked and decided to give the relationship a chance and for the sake of our child cause we both love her dearly. We' ve been back together since April and few months ago everything changed, 2 weeks ago i found out that he is seeing the same woman cause they work together
My question is: I confronted him about his affair with his ex and he never denied anything, we still living together but he spends most of his time with her, few days he' ll sleep over at her place and or he' ll come home morning hours, I asked him to leave and rather move in with her, my concern is the fact that I haven’ t acted with anger, never showed any emotion, i don' t feel hurt not do i feel angry, i feel nothing, mentally emotionally i feel neutral, I haven' t shout at him, and how sure am i that my calm and silent reaction to his behavior and this situation is really an indication that I am over him and that It means that i don' t love him anymore? I pass them everyday and I feel normal, and when i do see him later in the day when he comes to fetch something from home to go back to her, i will not utter a single word...?? Do I perhaps need professional help cause i know some women goes mad and do strange things... ? Please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds horibly like a recurring pattern. From your story, he has brokebn up and reconciled with you, and done the same with her several times, and is now trying to do it with both of you at once. Rather indecisive, and very unfair to both of you, and especially to the child. He sounds immature, too.
Only you know how you feel about all of this,but you may still be "over him" while still with him.
You're not going mad, but maybe you'd benefit from seeing a counsellor to work out what you want. And this is important is it's very clear he doesn't know what he wants

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2009-11-11

Flower, I wish you all the best of luck. Be sure to be kind to yourself.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: flower | 2009-11-11

Woman, thank you so much....its rather strange that many people expected me to have an outrage, when he broke up with his ex the first time (they broke up x2) she first overdosed herself with pills, then he asked her to leave and on leaving she destroyed his whole furniture...like in tore everything from clothes to the the carpets...I don' t see the reason in doing that...when i found out i send them an email where i told her he' s hers...my standards doesnt allow me to share or be shared and with great pleasure she can have him...on a platter....
So yes he has pushed me to a point where i just don' t see any values in him and don' t even consider a future with him...nothing about him moves me anymore even his imature intend to upset me doesn' t cause any reactions. Some people don' t understand the concept of " When a woman' s fed up, then she' s fed up" 

Thank you once again

Reply to flower
Posted by: Woman | 2009-11-11

No, no, no angel! For your own sake, pack his bags and his stuff, change locks and tell him to fetch his stuff because it' s waiting outside on the doorstep/ outside the gate.

You' re feeling nothing because you don' t care anymore. That is not necessarily a bad thing. It just means that he' s pushed you too far. You deserve to be happy with a partner, and just because he is your child' s dad, it doesn' t mean that you must have him in your life. Respect yourself first. A happy mom, is a happy child, and your children will learn about relationships from their own parents. Surely you don' t want what you are living for your child?

Off course he' s happy with the situation- he' s got his bread buttered on both sides. He can choose to be a lover or a family man, just as and when the mood strikes him. He had plenty of time to make a choice, now YOU make the choice - for YOU!

Good luck, it' s not easy, but us women are much stronger that we get credit for, and you CAN do what is best for you and for your child.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Flower | 2009-11-11

Thanks for replying, yes it is a recurring pattern, and yes he doesn' t know what he wants, but i just feel nothing, he goes out of his way to make me angry and doesn' t get any reaction from me, the only emotion i feel is the need to be carefull, that' s all other than that i feel fine, when he comes in morning hours from her i' ll politely ask him why he didn' t rather sleep there...i even asked him why would he make life difficult for himself by moving out and still looking for a place and I suggested he rather move in with her...and all that i know makes him mad...but i feel nothing..no emotion, no anger, rather I am dealing with this issue with sound reasoning... its almost like a game of chess or poker..

Reply to Flower
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-11-11

Sounds horibly like a recurring pattern. From your story, he has brokebn up and reconciled with you, and done the same with her several times, and is now trying to do it with both of you at once. Rather indecisive, and very unfair to both of you, and especially to the child. He sounds immature, too.
Only you know how you feel about all of this,but you may still be "over him" while still with him.
You're not going mad, but maybe you'd benefit from seeing a counsellor to work out what you want. And this is important is it's very clear he doesn't know what he wants

Reply to cybershrink

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