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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011/04/18

Does she have the right to know??

Hi Doc,

I am 14 weeks pregnant, this will be my husband''s second and my first. He has a son from a previous relationship.

I am loathe to tell his ex about my baby because frankly I dont think it is any of her business!! My husband feels like we should tell her out of courtesy. Honestly just the thought of that women talking about my pregnancy makes me want to knock her out!

From an outside view, should she know that we are expecting our first child together?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I don't see how it is in the faintest way any of the business of the EX of your husband's son by a previous marriage. It has nothing whatsoever to do with courtesy. What about any of the son's former girl-friends, too - why should any of them be left out ? How Ex is this Ex ? I doubt that she'd even be interested or talk about it, as its impossible to imagine how this could impact on her life in any way.
Maybe I misunderstood your choice of words. Is your husband wanting to inform HIS ex ? It may be of more interest to her, and may even bother her, but it really isn't automatically any of her business. She might possibly feel upset to think that her ex-husband is having another child with his new wife, but that's life. Being an ex means being truly Ex.

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Our users say:
Posted by: jskr | 2011/04/19

I tend to agree with Mikky and Gill. I think it is childish, and perhaps a hint of jealousy preventing you from wanting to share the information.

Knowledge is power, and his current son is also in the equation, and should be respected.

Reply to jskr
Posted by: Anon | 2011/04/19

No you dont tell his EX. the day when the child comes to visit his father and you are showing that you are preggies, then you tell the child that he will be having a baby sister or brother. that''s it, cos now you tell the ex and she starts poisoning the child against you that you want the child to replace him.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2011/04/19

Thanks Gill and Mikky,

He does want his ex to know so that she can assist in preparing their son for when he has a sibling.

This was more assistance than I got from other people, whose only constructive feedback was that he was still in love with his ex!!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Gill | 2011/04/18

To answer your question, No she does not have the right to know, But there is a child involved and if he is at an age to understand, then he should be told that he has a brother/sister on the way, hence the ex will also know. It''s often hard for any " only child"  to find out he is having a sibling esp when there is a step parent involved so the sooner he is told the sooner he will be able to accept it, making life much better for all involved, this might be why your husband wants to tell her???

All the best with the months ahead and dont let things like the ex talking about your pregnancy upset you...

Reply to Gill
Posted by: mikky | 2011/04/18

Come on guys .... He already has a child by this woman do you not think she should know so that the kid knows about any forthcoming little brother or sister on the way.

In a constructive co=parenting relationship it is preferable to manage the childs feelings here too....

Reply to mikky
Posted by: T | 2011/04/18

NO NO NO NO....Is your husband crazy????????

i think your hubby still loves the ex.

Dont tell her my dearr, she has no right watsoever to know bout your pregnancy, we dont tell people we pregnant, people will just see, she will see herself as time goes on, i mean we cant hide it!

Reply to T
Posted by: Chloe | 2011/04/18

No, it''s nothing to do with her at all. Why does your husband want to tell her? She will find out in due course anyway, and I cant see what " courtesy"  he possibly feels he should extend to her - unless he is not over her, which has the alarm bells going off madly

Reply to Chloe
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/18

I don't see how it is in the faintest way any of the business of the EX of your husband's son by a previous marriage. It has nothing whatsoever to do with courtesy. What about any of the son's former girl-friends, too - why should any of them be left out ? How Ex is this Ex ? I doubt that she'd even be interested or talk about it, as its impossible to imagine how this could impact on her life in any way.
Maybe I misunderstood your choice of words. Is your husband wanting to inform HIS ex ? It may be of more interest to her, and may even bother her, but it really isn't automatically any of her business. She might possibly feel upset to think that her ex-husband is having another child with his new wife, but that's life. Being an ex means being truly Ex.

Reply to cybershrink

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