Posted by: Done and dusted | 2009-04-12

Does not accept responsibility

What do you do when a person does not accept responsibility for his actions and does not believe that he has a problem to resolve? He will not resolve a problem and when you ask him about it he says that he does not want to get into an argument and brushes off your questions. In other words the problem gets ignored and he hopes it goes away. He consumes alcohol on a daily basis and does not believe that he has an alcohol problem but when he consumes alcohol he gets agressive. He also works 24/7 and sees no problem with that. He does not work for himself he is employed by a company. Our relationship has been jeopardised because of his aggressiveness and the amount of time he spends on work. He is also a fanatical cleaner. He is always cleaning and gets angry if dishes are not cleaned immediately after they have been used. His children from a previous marriage have always found a reason not to visit him when he has asked them to visit him. Is there more to this than meets the eye or what he is willing to say?
Please advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people insist on declaring any ocurrence which calls any aspect of their own responsibility or behaviour into question, as "an argument" and something they insist must be avoided. You seem to be describing a problem drinker with major problems with Denial, but with obsessive traits. There's always more to anyone than meets the eye. The problem is that while such a person denies the existence of any problems, and refuses to address them, they just cannot be helped with them. Someone maried to them or otherwise engaged with them, needs either to leave them, or to stay with them, assuming that nothing will change, but remaining vigilant for any opportunities when the person may become open to recognjzing that there are problems and a need for help.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Done and dusted | 2009-04-13

After reading your reply and them mine again, I was just wondering then why I feel a bit guilty in the sense that because I cared for him and was willing to commit to a life with him, I brought his attention to his problems, hoping that he would take note and be prepared to get help, but now he treats me like the enemy. Should I feel guilty because I came to realise that that was not want I wanted out of the relationship which has now ended with bad feelings between us? Anther question comes to mind on whether I should try and eliminate the bad feelings or just pick myself up and move forward and leave him to sort himself out?

Reply to Done and dusted
Posted by: Done and Dusted | 2009-04-12

The suggestion from my side has also been that we seek the help of a professional, but his attitude is, a professional does not know what they are doing as they cannot even sort out their own lives so how can they help someone else? I feel that he is being paranoid and does not want to acknowledge that he has problems because by acknowledging the problem makes him a weak person and not someone who is prepared to resolve issues yet in his work environment he will resolve the problems when they happen but not in his personal life. Does this attitude stem from his upbringing?

Reply to Done and Dusted

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