Our expert says:
Both patterns can cause problems - we may choose a partner who seems very like ourselves, and then find this very boring indeed ; or we may choose someone who is different, and then blame them for being different.
Sounds like you have a very sensible set of principles, well worth holding on to. I doubt that you believe in a non-existent perfect world, but maybe have a firmer view of how you'd like it to be. That's reasonable and useful.
As for the very long maried couples, hey may actually start out rather different, but grow more alike over time, and grow more accepting of the differences
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