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Question
Posted by: Wife | 2010/05/31

DO i stay or DO i GO!

I have been married now for 25yrs, married very young, fell pregnant in matric, my son not living with us anymore, he engaged and have a little girl, my daugther 19yrs still living with us.

I am so miserable and i dont know what is the right thing to do!

My husband cheated on me often and also beat me over the 25yrs.
1) He broke his pelvis 3 yrs ago and can get an erection so this is causing strain on our marriage. (while he was in hospital i found sms''s on his cell from a women)
2) He travelling for about 15months and not at home in the week - only see him weekends
3) I am bored and lonely
4) I am 42 i think i am in a bit of mid life crisis also
5) The recent act of cheating is he had a phone with photos of naked women ( sexyclub.com) he chats on this site, but according to him he stopped this a few months ago. I found the phone in his laptop bag.
6) I also found out about a year ago he slept with my sister

So i am so miserable and sad recently and thinking of how unhappy i am, i dont want to be alone, i dont know if i love him anymore, i dont really feel anything if we together, i feel sorry for him, i told him this weekend i want a divorce he said i must give him an opportunity to prove that he loves me and that i am the only person for him, he told me he loved me but i could not say that i love him, i did say that we have been together for 25 years and i love him, but i dont think it is from my heart.

I dont know if i want to leave everything i have worked my-|-of for, my house, boat etc i am also in a comfort zone and to be out of this i just dont have the energy for this crap.

I am miserable but i dont know if i can do this give everything up, hurting my kids, breaking this GLASS HOUSE.

I am in the office one of the girls walked pass my office and asked me, are u getting a divorce? i said why, she said it looks like it, you look miserable.

I am scared if i leave him i will be alone and i need a man companion in my life and i wont be able to accept rejection from other men if i am interested and they not.

I know i have my own issues and my selfworth is down the drain due to him having all this photos of other women and then i think i am not good enough.

So i have this very cute guy in the office, younger then me, and i can feel something for him ( i am scared that is just a needy feeling) he is involved with a girl for 1 year. I will not cheat and neither would he, but am i desperate to find somebody to truly love me?

CONFUSION! / BAD AURA / BAD DAY!

THANK U FOR READING THIS! :)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So sorry to hear about all of this - a sad story, though it might yet have some happier endings. Do arange to see a personal counsellor, to help you work through all this and decide what is best for you and your child. You say you need a man companion in your life - but he hardly sounds as though he has been that, for you.

Don't assume that his looking at other women means that somehow you're not good enough - it means that HE's not good enough.
Maybe you do, indeed, feel desperate for the love you realize he has not realy given you. But don't let this lead you into doing things that will further complicate the situation and which would be likely to contain more hurt for you. Work with a counsellor to improve your recognition of your own worth, and plan to either improve this marriage if it can be made satisfactory again, or to leave confident that you;'ll be fine on your own, and work towards a happier situation than this

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: anonymous | 2010/06/01

Is being alone really worse than being with a man who beats you and has slept with your SISTER!?

It''s understandable that you feel you want love and attention but it sounds as if your self esteem is so shot to pieces that you yourself can''t give yourself the love you need and you are looking for it elsewhere instead. Maybe if you find the strength to walk away from this man you can start to love yourself again and then you won''t need to look for complettion outside of yourself. Then whoever you end up with will be there as a wonderful addition to your life, rather than someone you need to validate yourself.

Reply to anonymous
Posted by: Mango | 2010/05/31

Wish you all the best wifey...I''m so sorry about your situation.

Reply to Mango
Posted by: XXX | 2010/05/31

This man has treated you badly,so you either both decide to see a marriage counsellor or you might have to consider moving on.
However,be careful about this " cute guy"  - you don''t want to do what your husband has done to you ie cheat and therefore hurt his current girlfriend.
We all want a partner that loves us madly,you deserve this as well.Consider your options carefully but don''t fall for the first man to come your way.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Me | 2010/05/31

Honestly ... this man is treating you like nothing ... beating you, cheating on you (even with your sister!!!) Your children is all grown up, they are going to have a life of their own soon and then you are stuck with this horrible man, that has no respect for you. You deserve MUCH better and you CAN have much better. in fact, you are young enough to marry again, and even have another child if you want.

I agree - go see someone that will help you to regain your self esteem and your sense of worth. When you know that you are worth more than this, then you go see a good lawyer and you sue that stupid man for a divorce ad half of everything he owns, so that you dont end up losing everythin you have, and then you find yourself a loving man that will be good to you. But you first need to love yourself.

Good luck!

Reply to Me
Posted by: TG | 2010/05/31

I feel your pain. I ones was in (alomost) your situation. The best thing you can do now is stop sobbing and collect yourself. You see " husbands"  are easy to solve, they r not as complicated as we think. Concerntrate on " you"  not family but you....
Go for a total make-over. Keep him on his toes. When he starts acting up, dont sob. Put on your nice number and go shopping alone (even if its window shopping) he wont know. Make him see the " old you"  he fell in-love with.

Reply to TG
Posted by: Wife | 2010/05/31

So my last Question:

Am I desperate and falling in love or feeling love / lust / for any person showing me a bit of attention?

thanks x

Reply to Wife
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/31

So sorry to hear about all of this - a sad story, though it might yet have some happier endings. Do arange to see a personal counsellor, to help you work through all this and decide what is best for you and your child. You say you need a man companion in your life - but he hardly sounds as though he has been that, for you.

Don't assume that his looking at other women means that somehow you're not good enough - it means that HE's not good enough.
Maybe you do, indeed, feel desperate for the love you realize he has not realy given you. But don't let this lead you into doing things that will further complicate the situation and which would be likely to contain more hurt for you. Work with a counsellor to improve your recognition of your own worth, and plan to either improve this marriage if it can be made satisfactory again, or to leave confident that you;'ll be fine on your own, and work towards a happier situation than this

Reply to cybershrink

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