Posted by: May | 2010-03-05

Do I or don’ t I

Doc, do I cut my nose to spite my face …  stick to my principles or do I give in again.
This is the question I posed to my husband.
His mother is very volatile and no matter what, has a secret dislike of me that comes out now and again
Let me give you a bit of a story to explain:
We asked her if she will take care of our little one who she loves dearly as he is constantly sick about 5 months back and she said she will do it if we give her R500k. I was willing to pay for all her expenses incl. medical aid as well as provide her with a Credit card to buy whatever she needed. She is currently 3 months away from pension.
She and her daughter have a volatile situation with my husband where they end up squabbling and then I am dragged in the problem as my husband takes his frustration out on me.
I must say that probably three of the squabbles was caused by myself. We go on holiday …  I pay for holiday …  expectation that MIL and I will share duties of taking care of my son but she wants to gamble and go out …  and I end up getting irritated with my husband … . Solution for me is to take his nanny along instead.
It feels kind of wrong to do so as paying for family over a stranger on holiday is unheard of in our culture but I am emotionally drained, work a 10 –  12 hour day and can’ t deal with the stress of home life and work life.
The last incident happened a few weeks ago and I have cut off all my husband’ s family now.
My hubby, his sister and mother were involved in a huge squabble where his mother said some horrible things about me
Hubby told me about the entire story and how it was started. His mother was very hurt over that situation however when she was at my home, while my husband was away, she told me that my husband fought with her over nothing and took off with her. She didn’ t know that I had already known the story as I was present when he was on the phone talking to his family.
I asked her clearly about what had caused the problem but she said there was no problem and that my husband screamed at her over nothing
There are so many other occasions … .
My hubby has an issue with needing to test the loyalty of family and after each fight with his family …  he will somehow test me …  or test my love for him.
When my brother and I had a problem, my husband told me to just leave him alone and not to call him … . However he says the same about his mother and sister when they have a problem …  that he will not contact them but he eventually does …  so he has also been two-faced with me.
Now my MIL is going to retire in 3 months time, and she will probably want to come stay with us.
I know that I do need help from someone to watch my little one when he comes back from crè che or when he is sick at home.
Now my personality is very forgiving …  I normally don’ t hold a grudge but this time I am having such a hard time keeping my resolve to a friendly but far relationship to his family … . What do I do doc?
Do I make an attempt again or do I just leave it be? Mind you me, I have made an attempt many a time in the past and always end up getting hurt. Do I let her come back into my life, do I let the volatility back in with his family …  bringing them back into our life or do I just stay away
I am the breadwinner in our home and I work hard for my family so does my husband. I am on antidepressants just so I don’ t crack and every time there is a problem, I barely manage pulling myself back out of the dark side again. I am well paid and hence overworked.
Please give me some advice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry, haven't I just read and responded to this message ?

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Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-03-05

Sorry, haven't I just read and responded to this message ?

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