Posted by: Anon. | 2009-10-03

Do I just wait?

I have fallen inlove with a man who is in a relationship that is not ideal and working. They have been together for a lifetime and our relationship was agreed to be purely physical but has turned into an amazing love for one another. We tried very hard not to expose this as we did not want to hurt his partner. Someone has exposed us, either to hurt his partner or us. now they are going through a very hard time as he did not want her to hurt but knew the breakup was invitable. This was going to happen it, just happened in a way that we did not want it to. She is hurting and although their relationship was coming to an end " not because of me" , I feel terrible for her. I now need to step back and wait for them to resolve this and talk about what is going to happen. I am just so frightened I will lose him through this. I do know he really cares about me and does love me.

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Our expert says:
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Be wary. "My wife doesn't understand me" was an old joke cliche, and men who are keen to have an affair invariably complain that their current relationship isn't working, whether it is or not, and whether the problems are their fault, or that of their partner, or both.
Similarly, I rarely come aross any relationship, however much intended and agreed to be "purely physical" that didn't before long become emotionally entangling. Also, men who genuinely do not want to hurt their partner, do not have relationshiops with others, "purely physical" or otherwise.
How do you feel so sure that the relatonship that is ending, is NOT doing so because of you ? Because your pal, who was cheating on his wife, says so ? How do you manage to feel so confident that he will not, sooner or later, cheat on you, too ?
How are you distinguishing reliably between what he says to you and what is actually true ? What do you think he was saying to her ?
If you meet a man who says his current relaionship isn't working --- tell him to try to make it work, and if this proves to be beyond his skills, then not to contact uyou until it is entrely over.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: almost mad | 2009-10-05

Firstly, The person who told his gf was doing a good thing. No one deserves to be made a fool of. So nothing that person did seems mean to me. Secondly, I have also been with a man who was married and trust me the joke the doc refered to, " my wife doesnt understand me"  or what bobs gf said " we dont have sex anymore"  that are the usual lines. If he really dint want to be with her he would have left her a while agi already. and if he really never wanted to hurt her he would not have had an affair.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Bob' s Girlfriend | 2009-10-03

What is your question? You say yourself I NEED TO STEP BACK - so do it.

As a woman who was once in a " relationship"  with a married man let met tell you - IF HE DOES IT TO HER HE' LL DO IT WITH YOU.

They are all the same, you feel special and think YOUR STORY is so different from anyone else' s but it is not.

Does he tell you they no longer have sex? Does he tell you that it' s a matter of time?Does he...does he....does he?

Leave this man NOW and tell him to call you one day when he' s sorted out his shit.

Reply to Bob&#39 s Girlfriend

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