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Question
Posted by: Jack | 2010/07/12

Do I have reason?

My fiance started a new job about a year ago. There she became very good friends with one guy. Now from our history it seems she has broken the mold. I was always accused of flirting with female colleagues and in not so many words banned from having any female friends. I was fine with that as I do not have such a desire anyways. Now since she met this guy, they go out to lunch together, he visits her when I''m not at home and they generally look waaay to cosy for my liking. I''ve confronted her about it, but she''s adamant that he''s just a friend and that they enjoy each others company. Do I have reason to worry? It all looks very suspicious to me but I do trust her and believe her when she explains herself, but I always feel that there is more to it, but I''m not one to keep her from having friends. I''ve already made it clear that I am unhappy about certain things (he gently touched her leg once at a party and she fed him in front of me at dinner) but still she says they are just friends but close friends.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

His visiting her when you're not at home ( and not when you are ? ) sounds suspicious and much less likely to be an innocent aspect of work relations. Her feeding him sounds a bizarre thing for her to do - sounds more like a mother bird and a large worm than a professional friendship.
Couples counselling sounds mandatory if you both want to save this relationship of yours - and i she opp[oses this, it would support the hypothesis that there is something more forming between her and this pal

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Our users say:
Posted by: Dude | 2010/07/13

The signs are there......dont even bother confronting her, if she has a crush on this guy she will deny it anyway. she probably thinks she can sort these feelings out herself....its such bull...sorry man but ur situation is almost a carbon copy of what happened to me....sort it out before u get really really hurt.why are some woman so blind to see what they actually doing to someone that would go to the end of the earth for them?

Reply to Dude
Posted by: reality check | 2010/07/13

he''s touched her leg and you are still comfortable with this " friendship" . I am sorry to say this but she''s having her bread buttered on both sides... feed him infront of you - had it been my man doing that... i guarantee you - he would''ve lost his front teeth!!!

Reply to reality check
Posted by: lizard | 2010/07/12

bloody hell ! woman have been killed for less, feeding a dude in front of you, that is such a fist in your face

Reply to lizard
Posted by: ddx | 2010/07/12

i say confront this with calm she taking advatage of you.

Reply to ddx
Posted by: lkl | 2010/07/12

she''s doing him for sure and probably in your bed

Reply to lkl
Posted by: Silver | 2010/07/12



I think you should contact " cheaters"  something''d going on... If she''s feeding him when you''re around, what is she doing to him when you not around?

Reply to Silver
Posted by: retardsareus | 2010/07/12

she fed him in front of you at dinner?

WHAT THE FCUK are you that fcking stupid?

Reply to retardsareus
Posted by: Lucy | 2010/07/12

Yip she is cheating on you for sure.
How can you allow her to do all these things! Unless he is gay then you have nothing to worry about.

Reply to Lucy
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/07/12

It sounds like you''ve been replaced but you''re too good a guy to see that. We all know boundries and no we don''t feed our friends from opposite sex.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Anon-for-this | 2010/07/12

Hi Jack. Please allow me to speak from experience......WARNING BELLS ARE RINGING LOUDLY MY FRIEND. Take heed to these words. Good luck with your next step, keep us posted. Regards.

Reply to Anon-for-this
Posted by: Rob | 2010/07/12

My friend, you have reason to worry!! The fact that she fed him dinner with you there and this coffe drinking together is trouble!!!!! Now all of a sudden it is ok for you to have female friends and even go drink coffe with them is just to ease her own mind for doing this to you.

In life you always have choices and what you should do is give her the choice....you or him but explain to her exactly that you are not happy about this " friend"  she has. Friendship is how romances start!!!!!!!

Reply to Rob
Posted by: Jack | 2010/07/12

Thanks Maria. The thing that gets me is that now that she has this male friend, she said it''s fine if I have female friends and can even go drink coffee with them! I just keep on wondering what has changed since then and why she has this desire to have male friends now? I constantly feel as if I''m not good enough and she is seeking something that she thinks she cannot get from me.

Reply to Jack
Posted by: Maria | 2010/07/12

I think you have reason to worry. When one commits to a marriage you must have certain barriers in your friendship with people of the opposite sex - both because of respect for your partner and to protect you relationship. I think couples counselling would be a good idea.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/12

His visiting her when you're not at home ( and not when you are ? ) sounds suspicious and much less likely to be an innocent aspect of work relations. Her feeding him sounds a bizarre thing for her to do - sounds more like a mother bird and a large worm than a professional friendship.
Couples counselling sounds mandatory if you both want to save this relationship of yours - and i she opp[oses this, it would support the hypothesis that there is something more forming between her and this pal

Reply to cybershrink

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