Our expert says:
His visiting her when you're not at home ( and not when you are ? ) sounds suspicious and much less likely to be an innocent aspect of work relations. Her feeding him sounds a bizarre thing for her to do - sounds more like a mother bird and a large worm than a professional friendship.
Couples counselling sounds mandatory if you both want to save this relationship of yours - and i she opp[oses this, it would support the hypothesis that there is something more forming between her and this pal
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