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Question
Posted by: Ntombi | 2011/02/11

Do I complain too much

I always tell my sister what is bothering me and she advise me when need and sometimes I tell her what is bothering me just to get it off my chest. This morning she said she does not want to hear my problems because it ended up depressing her and she does not want to get depressed.
I AM REALLY HURT BY WHAT SHE SAID

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes, that would be hurtful. It sounds as though she herself had some problems and was preoccupied with her own troubles, and not ready to hear yours. You say you like to discuss your problems with her - does she also talk her problems over with you ?
Also, whether a sister or a counsellor, i someone keeps coming back with the same problem, sugegsting that they haven't actually tried whatever you suggested, it gets discouraging and you may not want to listen the repeats of that problem.
Check whether you sister needs to get support rather than giving it, and consider seeing a professional counsellor for some sessions not only for a quick fix, but to learn how to solve your own problems

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/12

Yes, that would be hurtful. It sounds as though she herself had some problems and was preoccupied with her own troubles, and not ready to hear yours. You say you like to discuss your problems with her - does she also talk her problems over with you ?
Also, whether a sister or a counsellor, i someone keeps coming back with the same problem, sugegsting that they haven't actually tried whatever you suggested, it gets discouraging and you may not want to listen the repeats of that problem.
Check whether you sister needs to get support rather than giving it, and consider seeing a professional counsellor for some sessions not only for a quick fix, but to learn how to solve your own problems

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Purple | 2011/02/11

If its similar issues you moan about to her all the time, she''s probably tired of hearing them yet you doing nothing constructive to resolve them.

although my job doesn''t involve counselling, it does involve people feeling comfortable to share their troubles with me and I then give them numbers for life line and FAMSA or suggest they see a professional. However, I have some professional moaners who come to me with the same problem every few months and yet they have done nothing to try to resolve them. I tell them that unless they have done something proactive to fix the problem I don''t actually want to hear about it. I give them all the contact numbers again and unles they come to give me feedback, I send them on their way again.

In your off loading to your sister, is this perhaps what you have been doing? Does she also get a chance to share her problems with you? Maybe she was just having a bad day?

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Lava | 2011/02/11

Perhaps you do not heed the advice your sister gave you. l had a friend once who used to off load on me but she never listened to me and it was the same problems year after year.It gets so derpressing and l cut all contact with her.
Maybe see a professional for therapy and councelling to solve your problems. Remember off loading is only really useful if you do something about the issues,otherwise off loading is like a stuck record.
I can understand where your sister is coming from,not everything is about you. Your reaction says alot - you are very hurt but no concern about depressing her.

Reply to Lava
Posted by: Pat | 2011/02/11

perhaps she has run out of ideas as to how to help you, perhaps you need to turn to a mentor, such as an older more experienced woman, either professional or in your family or circle of friends.

Reply to Pat
Posted by: Anne | 2011/02/11

Maybe there is something that she is dealing with that she isnt sharing or does not want to share with you ,which could be playing on her mind.

Mabe you should ask her if there is any way that you could maye support her.

Good luck.
i wish you all the best

Reply to Anne

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