Our expert says:
That he is cautious and asks you about it, is a major safeguard. It sounds as though he understands that he is fortunate that you are his mother before being his friend, but at 16 it's reasonable for him to wonder why, as you HAVE allowed some alcohol on special occasions, you feel on this occasion it is unacceptable. Actually, it isn't clear to me, from your mesage, why you feel so strongly that this is not right on this particular occasion -- is it maybe more about the other boys might be expecting or getting up to ? Presumably you will be at home and a chaperone ? In communicating your concerns and refusal to him, its important to be clear about your concerns.
Maria makes an important point about the illegality of serving alcohol to minors, tough I;m sure it isn't expected to apply to every occasion at home when a young teen is given a sip of sherry.
As others point out, there's no need for Him to appear uncool, as the responsibility should be clearly yours ( and invoking the law ).
Smoking the bubbly is probably more of a threat to his health and that of others, than a little alcohol, by the way.
Purple's approach ounds very like my own.
There is some expert debate about this, as in countries like France where it is usual for children to sip small quantities of wine ALWAYS at home and wih food, that their adult alcholism rate is lower than ours. But that might, if a genuine effect, be related to a broader sared culture rather than policy within a single family.
I'd think it worthwhile to hav a calm discussion with him on broader isues of being cool versus uncool, peer pressure, and so on, to fore-arm him to face arguments from some friends
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