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Posted by: Zazza | 2011/03/18

Divorcing husband, but he is stressing me with kids

I have filed for divorce and my husband has got his summons, and he also contacted his attorney to say that he will contest the divorce. But what he is doing now is irritating me to death, we are still living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed, with children separating us. Lately he has a tndency of fetching the kids(two girls 3yrs &  1Year), from the day care centre at 14h00 and taking them out to restaurants. By the time I get back from work, the children are not at the day care centre, when I get home he is not there with them either, and he would come with Spur bllons and take aways. He is not eating anything I am preparing for meals, so I am also not cooking anything for him, coz it will go to waste. Yesterday, he went to take the kids again from the daycare centre at 14h00 and he went away with them, when I got home, he was not there, but he has left the kids with my brother''s girlfriend. The brother''s girlfriend still wanted to prepare some food for the 1 year old and he told her that the children are full. So I prepared food for the children and they ate their food finish. I told him if he is going to fetch the children, I need to know about that, he needs to stop doing as he pleases, and he wanted to know what happened, since he took the kids. He also said that he will let me know in future if he will be taking the kids. This man has been abusing me since the beginning of our marriage, I am not allowed to ask him anything, and I cannot tell him anything, because he is never wrong, so now I feel that he is provoking me. He knows that I hate it when I don''t know where my children are, but he is doing it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageFamily law expert

I suggest that you see your attorney to get a parenting plan in place pending the divorce.

Bertus Preller
B.Proc; AD Dip L Law
Family Law Attorney
Abrahams and Gross Inc.
A:1st Floor, 56 Shortmarket Street, Cape Town
O: +27 (0) 21 422 1323
F: 086 572 8373
E: bertus@divorceattorney.co.za; W: www.divorceattorney.co.za; Twitter: www.twitter.com/edivorce; Facebook: www.facebook.com/divorceattorneys

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Reply to susan
Posted by: family law expert | 2011/03/23

I suggest that you see your attorney to get a parenting plan in place pending the divorce.

Bertus Preller
B.Proc; AD Dip L Law
Family Law Attorney
Abrahams and Gross Inc.
A:1st Floor, 56 Shortmarket Street, Cape Town
O: +27 (0) 21 422 1323
F: 086 572 8373
E: bertus@divorceattorney.co.za; W: www.divorceattorney.co.za; Twitter: www.twitter.com/edivorce; Facebook: www.facebook.com/divorceattorneys

Reply to family law expert
Posted by: FIO | 2011/03/19

What he is doing is not illegal or in any way against any law. He is entitled to do with the children as he wishes, as are you. This is the probem with divorcing and divorced parents - where does one draw the line and what is best for the children.

There is little you can do other than go through the process of divorce, but fortunately the law demands that if you are experiencing difficulties in exercising your rights as parents, you need to seek the assisatnce of a mediator or suitably qualified person in order to draft a parenting plan that spells out the manner in which you willjopintly rais eyour children.

I suggest that you approach him with arequest for mediation in order to draft such a parenting plan in anticipation of the divorce.

He has indicated that he will contest the divorce, I presume he is opposing the agreement you have put forward in your summons. This will go to your attorneys where you will discuss the way forward, but it does not always produce desired results and often results in conflict that ends up in court. While you may fight eachother over financial matters, when it comes to matters of children, you have to by law seek alternative forms of dispute resolution such as mediation before litigation proceeds.

So, be one step ahead of him, in terms of Section 33(2) of the Childrens Act, and request mediation now to draft a parenting plan which you can make an order of the court, even if you are not yet divorced. A parenting plan made an order of the court is simply an agreement determining the manner in which you as parents will raise your children according to your respective responsibilities and rights, with the best interests of the children as paramount.

If he refuses to mediate, he will have a lot of explaining to do to the court!

Reply to FIO
Posted by: Zazza | 2011/03/18

My question, is what should I do, coz I know our laws do not allow anything, you need to have proof, but what can I do, since this is working on my nervous, and he knows it does, and the abuse I am trying to stop is still going on.

Reply to Zazza

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